Maid of honour duties

Userfridaynight · 2026-05-08T23:17:04+00:00

Not sure that the topic "relationship" is the right one... but Iv been given the privilege to be maid of honour at my best friends wedding. She is having a joint hen do with her partner and I am arranging with the other MOH. I feel like I'm organising everything, which is fine, but Iv also been asked to organise a second hen do. Does anyone have experience of this request and have advice? I have expressed that I feel like I'm organising everything and it has been met with "only for a short time", and also I don't want to organise a second one. Any thoughts? Thanks.

Somesweetday · 09/05/2026 03:32

Honestly OP the self indulgence and nonsense of weddings these days knows no bounds. A second hen do? How absolutely ridiculous.

If I were you I would refuse to organise it. You have your own life to live as well as pander to the bride. You sre being taken advantage of already..

Growingaseed · 09/05/2026 03:35

I think it's completely fair to say you don't want to organise a second hen do. I don't see why the other bridesmaid(s) can't step up. You need to speak to them or the bride though.

mindutopia · 09/05/2026 04:52

Well, I didn’t have a hen do. I had a BBQ and drinks at my family home and invited my local girl friends and female relatives. We had burgers, drank sangria and then were mostly tucked up into bed by 10pm and had a nice breakfast in the morning. I organised it all and my family bought the food and drinks and my mum manned the BBQ. My MOH pretty much had to buy a dress in one of several colours and turn up to the wedding and offer some emotional and practical support on the day. That’s it.

If you don’t want to or can’t take on organising anything, just say so. Someone else will need to do it, or maybe it’s all too much and you need to turn the MOH role over to someone else.

Original poster

Userfridaynight · 09/05/2026 05:02

mindutopia · 09/05/2026 04:52

Well, I didn’t have a hen do. I had a BBQ and drinks at my family home and invited my local girl friends and female relatives. We had burgers, drank sangria and then were mostly tucked up into bed by 10pm and had a nice breakfast in the morning. I organised it all and my family bought the food and drinks and my mum manned the BBQ. My MOH pretty much had to buy a dress in one of several colours and turn up to the wedding and offer some emotional and practical support on the day. That’s it.

If you don’t want to or can’t take on organising anything, just say so. Someone else will need to do it, or maybe it’s all too much and you need to turn the MOH role over to someone else.

tha ka for replying! You organised hen wise? I have told my bestie that I'm no willing to organise 2... and I'm very much organising the main one for both brides. I guess I want someone to tell me how they went about putting tasks on other MOH?

OP posts:

Original poster

Userfridaynight · 09/05/2026 05:03

Growingaseed · 09/05/2026 03:35

I think it's completely fair to say you don't want to organise a second hen do. I don't see why the other bridesmaid(s) can't step up. You need to speak to them or the bride though.

Omg thank you - this is what I needed to hear. Have you any suggestions to say no? I have said I will struggle to plan 2... open to your suggestion! X

OP posts:

Original poster

Userfridaynight · 09/05/2026 05:05

Somesweetday · 09/05/2026 03:32

Honestly OP the self indulgence and nonsense of weddings these days knows no bounds. A second hen do? How absolutely ridiculous.

If I were you I would refuse to organise it. You have your own life to live as well as pander to the bride. You sre being taken advantage of already..

This is so so refreshing to hear. I was worried than I'm being unreasonable but you're right... why not just say NO.

OP posts:

Zanatdy · 09/05/2026 06:42

Jeez. It’s crazy the amount that bride’s expect these days. I organised one of my childhood friends wedding, along with other close school friend. None of us were bridesmaids, in fact the bridesmaid didn’t come as was 19 and we were all mid 30’s so guess she didn’t want to. But it wasn’t a massive effort, I found a hotel and flights, it was £150 each for 3 nights AI in northern spain including flights! Feels crazy against today’s prices doesn’t it. We organised the activities; and made a ‘this is your life’ book, for a low key evening, and then just the usual veil, crazy headbands. It was to this day, the best weekend I ever had, and minimal fuss really. These days it seems crazy with the matching outfits, the dress codes, the planned activities. We had the best fun just sitting around the pool on loungers having a laugh.

Bride did have a 2nd hen night at home, but it was a low key meal, mainly for her MIL and more elderly relatives, and friends who couldn’t fly to Spain. Bride organised this.

What are they expecting for this 2nd night?

MinnieMountain · 09/05/2026 06:50

I thought hen and stag dos are things the happy couple do separately. So she wants you to organise a party for her and her fiancé and her hen do?

MinnieMountain · 09/05/2026 06:56

Sorry, I've just noticed it's 2 women. My point still stands though.

Nearly50omg · 09/05/2026 07:07

Why can’t the brides organise their own blinking hen do??

StopFeckingSnoring · 09/05/2026 07:57

I would say that it would be easier to manage if each MOH organised one each so since you have taken the lead on the first one the other MOH can do the second hen.

StopFeckingSnoring · 09/05/2026 07:59

Are the same friends expected to go to both?

AgnesMcDoo · 09/05/2026 07:59

mindutopia · 09/05/2026 04:52

Well, I didn’t have a hen do. I had a BBQ and drinks at my family home and invited my local girl friends and female relatives. We had burgers, drank sangria and then were mostly tucked up into bed by 10pm and had a nice breakfast in the morning. I organised it all and my family bought the food and drinks and my mum manned the BBQ. My MOH pretty much had to buy a dress in one of several colours and turn up to the wedding and offer some emotional and practical support on the day. That’s it.

If you don’t want to or can’t take on organising anything, just say so. Someone else will need to do it, or maybe it’s all too much and you need to turn the MOH role over to someone else.

Same here I organised my own. And so did most people I know.

we went for a nice Italian meals and drinks. M

even my most bridezilla acquaintance organised her own ‘hen’ abroad.

if you don’t want to do then don’t.

PoppinjayPolly · 09/05/2026 08:01

Somesweetday · 09/05/2026 03:32

Honestly OP the self indulgence and nonsense of weddings these days knows no bounds. A second hen do? How absolutely ridiculous.

If I were you I would refuse to organise it. You have your own life to live as well as pander to the bride. You sre being taken advantage of already..

This. Especially when it’s the “ooh noo- bride can’t pay for the (expensive, self indulgent, generally abroad) hen…. We’ll split it!! Yay!”

Garagewithoutapillar · 09/05/2026 08:16

Userfridaynight · 09/05/2026 05:03

Omg thank you - this is what I needed to hear. Have you any suggestions to say no? I have said I will struggle to plan 2... open to your suggestion! X

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You don’t need suggestions or the perfect response to say to ensure that she “gets it”… you just need to say no and mean it. “Sorry bride, I don’t have the capacity to do a second hens. I won’t be committing to this” or even a simple “No, that doesn’t work for me”

Deep down they will know they are being unreasonable to ask this of you but they will be relying on you not being able to say no.

Growingaseed · 10/05/2026 12:08

Userfridaynight · 09/05/2026 05:03

Omg thank you - this is what I needed to hear. Have you any suggestions to say no? I have said I will struggle to plan 2... open to your suggestion! X

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I wouldn't say anything groundbreaking.

To other MOH/bridesmaids:
'Would you be ok to take charge of the second hen? I have been finding the first one a bit stressful so don't think I can handle another one! Happy to help with the last minute bits at the end and logistics on the day etc though. Let me know if that's alright Xx'

To bride:
'I am feeling the pressure with the first hen as I've been leading the organisation so have asked Jane to organise the second one. Hopefully that's ok but will keep you posted if any issues. How's all the other planning going?'

Then if there's any pushback:
'Sorry I won't be able to do another one as I'm finding the first one hard enough as it is. I don't want to end up taking on way too much and organising it badly so need to spread the load to others. Is there someone else than can help?'