Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he a workaholic?

18 replies

LiberaRey · 08/05/2026 17:48

He can’t stop working in time to get ready for family events - a birthday meal, an occasional trip out. He expresses irritation that he has to stop working to do something else.

He has never taken a vacation with the family. His excuse “because I’m always working.”

He can’t make time for friendships. If he’s invited out, his usual response is “I’m really busy.”

He offers to see friends and then neglects to keep the social arrangement because work takes priority

He’s working all the time. He worked on Christmas Day

By his own admission “I know you put up with a lot. I’m never at home.” He also described himself as a workhorse.

We talked about what makes “happiness.” I said it was about personal relationships and being around positive people. His reply - “I get up and go to work.”

Bouts of “burnout” and not being able to keep up with the demands of work - which he has taken on (self-employed.)

Does this sound familiar to anyone? Is he addicted to work? At the expense of his health and his relationships?

OP posts:
SoScarletItWas · 08/05/2026 17:50

Well, objectively, yes he is - but why? Is he the main or only breadwinner?

Are there DC? Do you work too?

SilverGlitterBaubles · 08/05/2026 17:54

Well clearly yes he is. It doesn’t sound very healthy when health and relationships are suffering. If he is self employed, is he perhaps worried by being off and loosing money? Would his business suffer?

Wishimaywishimight · 08/05/2026 17:55

It was unfair of him to enter into a romantic relationship when he has nothing to offer in terms of spending time with you.

Duvetdayneeded · 08/05/2026 18:07

Why are you putting up with this? Dump him

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 18:11

He has never taken a vacation with the family. His excuse “because I’m always working.”

seriously?

how long have you been with him presuming he’s your partner?

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 18:12

I bet he’s not even high earner

inmyhair · 08/05/2026 18:15

Wishimaywishimight · 08/05/2026 17:55

It was unfair of him to enter into a romantic relationship when he has nothing to offer in terms of spending time with you.

Yes this is very true. Could also turn it around and ask you what attracted you to him in the first place. How did he even have time to date if he's so busy? Or did he just have time to date enough to get you to be his long term partner and now that you are, and doing all the unpaid labour, he doesn't have to pretend to have time for you now.

What a useless specimen.

LiberaRey · 08/05/2026 18:17

Yes there are 3 kids - he’s never gone on holiday

OP posts:
Bristolandlazy · 08/05/2026 18:19

Is he your husband, are they his children? Can he afford to work less do you think? You've written a very good description of a workaholic.

LiberaRey · 08/05/2026 18:20

I’ve been reading about workaholics. I think it’s an addiction. And you always, always come second. Their work is their “love” in life and you play second fiddle to work. It leaves me feeling neglected, lonely and unloved

OP posts:
Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 18:21

LiberaRey · 08/05/2026 18:17

Yes there are 3 kids - he’s never gone on holiday

Bloody hell. There’s weird.

He sounds like he doesn’t enjoy family life.

And let me guess… he’s no high earner is he?

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 18:22

LiberaRey · 08/05/2026 18:17

Yes there are 3 kids - he’s never gone on holiday

You take them alone?

Yennefer17 · 08/05/2026 20:32

Do you work ? Does he earn a lot ?

Waitingatlidl · 08/05/2026 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sally2791 · 08/05/2026 21:04

Why would you stay?

SoScarletItWas · 08/05/2026 21:25

LiberaRey · 08/05/2026 18:20

I’ve been reading about workaholics. I think it’s an addiction. And you always, always come second. Their work is their “love” in life and you play second fiddle to work. It leaves me feeling neglected, lonely and unloved

Does he think he’s showing love by providing?

You want his affection, presence and practical support. He thinks he’s supporting by bringing in the money.

He may indeed be avoiding family life, or he may regret it but feel forced to keep working.

But if you’re not happy, you’re not happy.

Waitingatlidl · 09/05/2026 06:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NoSleepNight · 09/05/2026 06:30

Maybe he's trying to ensure security through finances and he's not willing to take a break from that because it would mean putting his comfort ahead of your security.

It's imbalanced but maybe it comes from a good, albeit dysfunctional, place.

This is common in people who are perfectionists or high performers.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page