If you witnessed domestic violence as a child, how has it impacted on you?

[AliceAbsolum]

It's effected me deeply. And I'm really curious about others experiences.

My Dad rarely hit me but he was physically violent towards my mum often. Even when she was holding me as a baby.
He was a terrorising intimidating force in the house and I used to get verbal abuse.

I just feel at 41 years old like I'll never be able to move on from it.

Thanks for sharing your experiences.

It affected me horribly badly. I was the oldest so I was responsible for my siblings whilst my alcoholic father was busy drinking and beating my mother, who was bullying me because she couldn't do anything to my father and I was a scapegoat.
I was bullied at school because of my parents. So there was never any escape at all.

I ended up with older, violent men. One trafficked me. That stole ten years of my life.

My siblings- one has married an alcoholic. Another is basically our father without the drink. The younger ones have done better because I used to hide them when it all kicked off so they didn't actually see anything, and our father left when they were still quite young.

Both parents aggressive and fighters with each other and anyone else who crossed their path.

I was an angry and intolerant young adult who would take zero shit from anyone, men could jump off a cliff for me rather than me giving them a single second of my time. I was completely intolerant of anything I perceived as even slightly challenging. They were gone, the end.

Lord only knows why and how my now bloody lovely husband broke all that lot down, but he stood the very many tests I threw his way and by being himself, a genuinely kind, respectful and thoroughly decent human being I warmed to him!

He thought, and still thinks that my family are all crazed. I am NC with them so they are well in the past.

We are raising boys. Broken the generation upon generational tradition of DV being part & parcel of every day and normal in my family. Thank fucking god.

My ‘mother’ was the main perpetrator as well, not really looked at much even now, she was clever, learnt to hit where bruises less likely to show, although couldn’t hide my smashed nose once so was forced to make up a lie.

I don’t know if the impact is different but even now with my recent studies female are still not really considered perpetrators, partly because the men often don’t report because they are embarrassed, however just as much a victim. Although much of my anger is also directed at him who used to take himself off for weeks as a long distance coach driver because he couldn’t cope with her leaving us behind. I was her main target.

Similar to many posts above.
I was a very shy child and have always been incredibly anxious. I'm also now a people pleaser and I notice this especially in the workplace (apologising for silly things, always seeking praise, anticipating the needs of others, trying to defuse). It's draining.
Noise is triggering now with my own children. It also took me a long time (and therapy) to realise I no longer had to try to protect my siblings from everything if life when they became adults. I had to try to look out for myself.

Yes I'm very noise sensitive too. I react outwardly well to my 3 year old when she's shouting at me (thank God) but a part of me inside isn't doing well. It's not even a scared part, it's past that. Numb, shut down, dead.

Surprisingly not that affected by it. I was also hit a lot by my Dad. I have a complete opposite partner to my dad - however I do sometimes get angry, and have to make a conscious choice not to take that out on my partner like my Dad did.

However, since having kids my relationship with my mum has worsened - it made me realise that despite being the "good guy" she didn't keep me safe either, because she stayed.

My earliest memories are violence. I was in a constant state of fight or flight.

living in that environment taught me that it was my responsibility to manage other people’s moods. It massively damaged my ability to form healthy relationships as an adult. I got into a bad marriage for me because I tried to make myself disappear into the role like I had always done. It wasn’t fair to me and it wasn’t fair to him.