Separation and future hope

[Crecy1346]

Hi. I’d appreciate some advice - 46M. Married 11 yrs, together 15yrs, 2 children (11,9).
I thought we had a good marriage - both successful (both work full time), very good incomes, work hard for each other, 2 lovely children, good sex life. The relationship is strained from time to time by us both working full time in executive jobs with no formal childcare (something my wife never wanted).

Wife (48) stunned me at Xmas saying she wasn’t happy, wanted to separate and for us to live apart as she wanted some space. The charge sheet is quite vague - not enough affection, not enough support etc. She confided in very few people leading up to this, none of her family knew (who she is very close to). There is no one else.
After initially wanting to try to reconcile, she is now hardening to the point of refusing any councilling and is now pushing for divorce and house sale.

I love my wife utterly and am completely at sea. I was hoping that we could genuinely work through this but I’m now struggling to see a path forwards.

Does anybody relate to this at all? I suppose my key question is can I have any hope here or is the die cast. Wife is not impulsive - this seems very out of character. I do know of couples who have reconciled after a separation - this doesn’t like like it could happen in the short term but any advice for the longer term. Of course, priority remains the kids who are fine.

Thank you for your thoughts.

If your wife is not impulsive then this is likely not out of the blue for her. What makes you so sure there is no-one else?

Do you share the domestic and admin load? It’s very easy for men to think they do without really understanding the burden of it.

Are you affectionate outside of sex?

Sorry but my first thought was that there was someone else. If she doesn't want to try to reconcile it sounds like she's made her mind up (and I'd bet she hasn't been happy for years, no matter how 'out of the blue' it was for you.

Has she moved out?

I have moved out

I, like you, thought someone else would explain this but definitely not. She works approx 50hrs a week before childcare so there really isn’t any time and she has consistently denied (and I trust her).
She may indeed have been unhappy for a while but didn’t articulate this at all.

I think this is fair regarding sharing burden - it probably hasn’t been a true 50/50. But I would argue that I have been supportive. There aren’t many Mums who continue to work full time without support. I do nearly all the cooking at home and do much of the tidying and washing too. But I do take your point.

there is always someone else.

I would say as she spends a lot of time at work, she has probably met someone there that has turned her head. It's where my Ex met someone else, I didn't have a clue, he hardly went out anywhere else!

I would say her head has been turned. It will come out in time 😪