I’m new here so apologises if this is the wrong place or not appropriate but I need some advice - This may also be long so bare with me.
Ok here goes,
Ok here goes,
I am new to this community and last night I posted in a different community asking if my husband is controlling. After explaining what happens a few replies were in fact - Rape by coercion.
Basically my husband of nearly 20 years makes me feel guilty, tries to bribe me and will get extremely angry/grumpy and his personality changes to the most horrible man ever and will pick a fight over anything at all if we don’t have sex for maximum 3 days.
Now I understand that people have needs but I am a mother of 4 children (2 under 5 years old) and I worked over 45 hours a week.
I would do every single thing to do with the house, children EVERYTHING!
We had a business which is in the process of administration and to top it off myself and kids got caught up in the Dubai War situation and now back in the UK staying with family. We were over there visiting family and my husband made out I was being dramatic over the whole thing but I’m sorry having missiles flying over our heads is not dramatic and following the advice from the UAE government to stay away from windows etc is the safest thing to do with my children not to mention army bases getting hit next to where we were staying and the noises of the explosions getting intercepted above the house was terrifying for me and my children.
You could actually see the missiles through the windows getting intercepted- yes the government is incredible but no thank you.
Even after the birth of my children (All C section’s) I have had to tell him to be patient with me as I can barely move let alone be intimate. I would then get - I want to feel close to you blah blah.
When it comes around to “doing the deed” or even just lying in bed and I am exhausted my eyes are shut I get woken up by him banging around to wake me up so we can be intimate as I have promised him and i probably do promise him from the night before we would have sex the night after if i have fallen asleep.
He will purposely try and keep me awake or fight and shout at me until all hours of the night / morning until I give in or he will tell me the marriage is over as I can’t meet his needs etc and sometimes he actually leaves the room and sleeps downstairs in-fact one evening he left the house altogether.
My husband is living in the UAE and we are separated but since I have been gone loads of things are now starting to come about his behaviour. The longer I’m away the more I start to notice this.
For example - When I was in the UAE I asked permission to go to a hotel pool with friends and after I got there he was grumpy and angry that I went - his friends didn’t like the hotel pool I was at as it has a reputation for “escorts” 😳
I ended up leaving as I was worried sick that he was going to kick off at me over this even though I asked his permission.
I was correct he picked me up and basically shouted at me the whole way home and into the evening.
He hasn’t physically punched me but over the years he has strangled me, threw me across the floor etc and he got arrested but let out 2 days later as i felt horrendous and guilty for the police coming.
There is so much more I can write about it but I don’t know what to do….
He is now making up random lies and trying to “catch me out” by calling my 18 year old son when all I am currently doing is sharing a bed with my 2 young kids and the 3rd is on the floor on a mattress in the living room and daily supermarket runs with my dad and take the kids to the park for an hour.
Last weekend he was going crazy at me because my dad took me to Starbucks’s.
Has anyone else gone through this?
It is playing on my mind and I just need to understand how to process this and what my action plan is.
I was meant to return to the UAE but the more I am out of this the more I don’t want to be in this situation.