Old wounds reopened and feel so worthless

[Fakingitagain]

Hi all,
looking for a bit of a hand hold here. I know it probably sounds stupid 😬
I’ve found out my h (not divorced, just separated) has gone back to his ex after our separation of 35 yrs of marriage. They were together a couple of yrs before me met and had separated a few months previously.

i had dealt with the separation and was moving on fine, things weren’t great and he had been lying a lot. This has really knocked me for six though and opened up old wounds.
my confidence as completely gone and I feel physically sick wondering how long it has been going on. He has been very secretive for a while etc prior to the separation.
I feel so embarrassed and wondering if my whole marriage was a sham. We have children and gc that he now barely bothers with. And he’s so nasty with me.
i just don’t know how to start to heal again, i feel so stupid and worthless 🫩🥲

Im so sorry, I would treat this as closure and make plans to move on. Don’t waste your time thinking about what if/ how long etc, it will drive you mad. Be kind to yourself .

I’m sorry this happened, but this will drive you mad if you continue down this route, you will never know, and ultimately it doesn’t matter, the marriage is over. Focus on yourself and move on.

Oh I'd look at this as a pair of sad failures trying to re-live their youths, OP.

None of us are what we were 35 years ago (I would guess I'm about your age). Do you want Mickey Rourke as he was in 1990 - or as he looks today? See also Charlie Sheen, Johnny Depp, Val Kilmer, Brad Pitt and Matthew Broderick.

He won't be the person she remembers and neither will she. 35 years is a long time and at the moment they are desperately clinging on to WHO they think they other person is and what 'might have been'.

It will all go to shit soon enough. Hold your head high and look for a better future - not a relived past

They split up once and will do again, you've had the best years of him x

I think he's gone back for the easiest option. There's a reason their relationship ended and I am sure it will again.
Be thankful that you can move on to new beginnings. It will be difficult to begin with, but eventually you will be so much calmer out of this relationship.