Feel like a failure with hardly any friends

[Needsomeadvicesoon]

I feel like a failure tbh. I am in my late 50s. I left school at 17 and bumbled my way through dead end jobs. Married young and 3 lovely grown up children. Still married to a lovely man and have a comfortable life although I wish I didn't still have to work!
I have one close friend who I grew up with and tbh thats about it. I try so hard to maintain friendships but always feel I put in the effort and 9 times out of 10 get let down. I would help anyone and try to go the extra mile if people need anything. Had 2 meet up for coffee with "friends" this week and both cancelled - it makes me feel so crap and upset. I had even changed my plans so I could meet them.
Even though I am busy I still feel incredibly lonely. I was thinking last night and realised I have never been on a girlie break or a hen-do or even been a bridesmaid! My family dynamic is small and my husband has no family. I see these huge families and get togethers and realised I never had that and it makes me incredibly sad. Embarrassed to say but my dog is probably my only loyal friend! I think only a handful of people would come to my funeral (unless something better came along). Thanks for listening to my moans.

Hey OP, I’m very similar although in 30s. I realised early on that I am not that girl who will be part of a squad and that’s fine. I hope you can feel content with what you have.

@orangegato thank you. I hope you feel happy. At least I'm not the only one!

There won't be any one at my funeral OP apart from my son and hopefully some of his friends who will be there to support him. In fact having been reminded recently that it's not obligatory to have a funeral i intend to investigate this to save my son the experience
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I used to have small groups of friends. My first husband isolated me from the ones I knew from childhood and those I made in adulthood I was not good at keeping in touch with .I compartmentalised my life and when I moved on to each new part of my life I lost the friends I had made.

I empathise with the loneliness.

@Somesweetday I even thought about arranging a non-attended funeral then I don't have to worry about it! I've tried so hard to keep in touch with people but I realise now that I'm just not important enough to bother about so I have given up trying. I love meeting friends for coffee and a chat-up so I just don't know what's wrong with me?. Classic example is that I arranged to meet someone yesterday for a coffee and catch-up and they cancelled - again! I just can't keep putting myself through it. I hope you are happy. I would just love some people that cared about me.

My mum is like this she has pre paid to just be cremated with no service.

OK, well, if this is a recurring pattern, it’s probably something you’re doing, or the people you’re choosing to befriend (which is also something you’re doing). The good news is that this means you can do something about it.

What do you bring to a friendship? What kind of people do you like? Where have you met these people?

I mean this nicely when I say you need to shift your attitude a bit. People cancel, it means they're probably busy. Don't assume it's about you. They agreed to meet you in the first place so obviously they wanted to spend time with you.

You mention you have 3 children. Are they all boys? Because I know lots of women who have brilliant friendships with their adult daughters.

@ zoemum2006 you are right, people do cancel but its usually the excuses I find hard to deal with and then its up to me to rearrange/keep in touch. If I didn't make the effort then they probably wouldn't tbh. I would rather be told "actually you are boring so please don't bother with me again" than feel sad and rejected. I do get that life gets in the way but its not hard work just to pop a text to someone. When you feel lonely and depressed it makes a hell of a difference. I'm not needy, I expect nothing, I listen, I am generous, I care but it makes no difference. I have 2 boys and a girl. My daughter is very busy and I do things with her which I enjoy but I look at her and see the difference between her amazing social life and my crappy one. She has been to more weddings in one year than I have been to in my whole life. I did have a very difficult upbringing which has probably impacted my life.