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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH being terrible

27 replies

Joanne1233 · 06/05/2026 20:56

So a number of weeks ago DS told me and DH that he is gay and is seeing someone, I already knew but was waiting for when DS was ready to tell me although I was also dreading it because of DH. I have told DS everything is fine and I'm happy as long as he's happy however DH on the other hand is saying he can't accept and won't accept our DS.

Our DS is 18 now and aware of his dad's views but not to the extent of them.

DH is saying I'm going against him and making our DS think homosexuality is normal and that I'm jeopardising our marriage so I just feel in an awful situation and that I'm stuck in the middle.

DH has never been accepting of same sex couples as my brother is gay, so he's not going to change now. I really need to look at my options as I'm going to divorce DH as I can't stay with him with his behaviour towards DS.

I just wouldn't want to leave this house as it was my late mum's.

I don't know why I'm posting really I just feel I need to vent to other mums as this has been going on a good few weeks and have felt I have nobody to talk to about it.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 06/05/2026 21:09

I'm so sorry, what a horrible situation for you and your son. I would absolutely be thinking divorce as I couldn't stay with someone who has that attitude towards my son.

It might sadly mean selling the house which is obviously a wrench. Is there any other option? Could you buy him out? If not, I would still put your son before staying in the house. You will always have your memories of your mum, no-one can take those from you. Sending hugs 🫂

UpDownAllAround1 · 06/05/2026 21:23

What first attracted you to your homophobic hubbie? Maybe your brother could be a good support for you now

ToKittyornottoKitty · 06/05/2026 21:27

I don’t understand, you’ve always known he’s homophobic and he’s not accepted your brother, but you’ve had kids with him, known your son was gay… but waited for all this to kick off before doing something about it, why? Divorce is the right thing to do. Look into seeing if you can buy him out of the house.

whattheysay · 07/05/2026 13:04

Did you not know your husband was homophobic before you married him? It must have come up as your brother is gay, did it not bother you he had these views towards your brother?
But anyway, sorry but you need to leave and put your son first. I would 100% leave if my husband behaved like this towards our gay child, or gay anyone! I just could not be married to someone like that and let my child know that I tolerated that. Luckily my husband is a normal person and loving father so when our dd came out as bi no one gave a shit

ToddlerFun67899 · 07/05/2026 13:50

I'd choose my son over my DH every time.

He must be unpleasant in many other ways as I don't know anyone who holds those views nowadays.

HatAndScarf33 · 07/05/2026 14:02

I think he’s basically threatening your marriage because you're ok with it, then it's time to call it a day. Your son must come first and you risk pushing him away by condoning his father’s terrible attitude.

FWIW I do think men who are so blatantly homophobic are hiding some repressed feelings of their own. For his homophobia to override the unconditional love most decent parents have for their child, there has to be more to it than just not liking it or thinking it's wrong.

CheeseAndTomatoSandwichWithMayo · 07/05/2026 14:05

ToKittyornottoKitty · 06/05/2026 21:27

I don’t understand, you’ve always known he’s homophobic and he’s not accepted your brother, but you’ve had kids with him, known your son was gay… but waited for all this to kick off before doing something about it, why? Divorce is the right thing to do. Look into seeing if you can buy him out of the house.

I agree with this. I'm really confused as to why you'd marry him, have children with him, stay with him etc. However now your husband is unable to accept your son you have to divorce him

If you can't buy him out then you'll have to sell. Your Mother would definitely understand and agree imo

SaltySpitoon · 07/05/2026 14:09

Surely you knew he was homophobic before you married him? Seeing as you have a brother who is gay, it must have come up pretty early on. Yet you still married and had children with him? But yes, absolutely you need to divorce him.

Topseyt123 · 07/05/2026 14:12

Divorcing the twat is the only way forward now.

Get legal advice regarding the house. Did your mum leave it just to you or to you and your husband?

Sassylovesbooks · 07/05/2026 14:48

Yes, it's possible the OP did know her husband was homophobic before she married him but equally she may not. Her brother could have easily come out as gay after the OP married her husband and had her son! A friend of mine, her brother is in his early 50's, he didn't come out as gay until around 5 years go!! People are making a lot of assumptions.

OP, if your husband won't accept your brother, then it's unlikely that he will accept your son as being gay. It's dreadful that your husband's own prejudice, is overshadowing his love for his son. It shouldn't matter what your son's sexual preferences are. I don't see any other option but to divorce your husband. Your husband is trying to emotional blackmail you, by threatening your marriage because you don't share his views. That's equally awful behaviour, and he should be ashamed of himself.

Maray1967 · 07/05/2026 15:23

Endofyear · 06/05/2026 21:09

I'm so sorry, what a horrible situation for you and your son. I would absolutely be thinking divorce as I couldn't stay with someone who has that attitude towards my son.

It might sadly mean selling the house which is obviously a wrench. Is there any other option? Could you buy him out? If not, I would still put your son before staying in the house. You will always have your memories of your mum, no-one can take those from you. Sending hugs 🫂

Yes, absolutely right. OP, you need to prioritise your son’s well-being and yours over the house, hard though it may be. At the end of the day a house is bricks and mortar. You can take any furniture etc that was hers. You could even take plants from the garden. If there are particular features you love eg the front door you could fit a new one and take the old one with you.

ginasevern · 07/05/2026 15:35

So you married a homophobic idiot, had kids with him and he also (presumably) benefitted from walking into your mum's home. Did you inherit the house in your sole name? At least you realise that your first priority is your son which is correct. Get legal advice regarding the house.

Confuserr · 07/05/2026 15:37

UpDownAllAround1 · 06/05/2026 21:23

What first attracted you to your homophobic hubbie? Maybe your brother could be a good support for you now

If I were the brother I might not be so impressed that my sister put up with her husband being hateful towards me but left when it affected her.

Tel12 · 07/05/2026 15:39

Well tell him in that case he needs to get packing. Of course you're going to support your son and he's put you an impossible situation.

midJulytarget · 07/05/2026 15:55

I'm so sorry for the position you're in OP. Maybe a solicitor could help you find a way of keeping the house.

Please ignore the usual nastiness on here, it's why I usually have Relationships hidden. Such a shame.

Disturbia81 · 07/05/2026 16:01

I didn’t realise there were people like this in our generation now, even the more simple laddy types of men are okay with people being gay. I would 100% divorce him and be fully there for son.

TFImBackIn · 07/05/2026 16:12

You need to speak to a lawyer, OP. Did you inherit the house before you were married?

Your husband is just about the worst person for your son to be around. He's really awful.

Original poster
Joanne1233 · 07/05/2026 21:21

I didn't know of DH's views back when we got married, my brother was with a women back then and homosexuality wasn't ever a discussion we had.

OP posts:
SliceofTosst · 07/05/2026 21:37

Divorce him. He's homophonbic AND saying you are jeopardise the marriage supporting your sin.

He's shameful.

abracadabra1980 · 07/05/2026 21:52

I can't offer much more advice other than in 99.9% of circumstances, I would put my child's emotional welfare over my husbands. This is one of them without question and I'd leave.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/05/2026 23:08

Joanne1233 · 07/05/2026 21:21

I didn't know of DH's views back when we got married, my brother was with a women back then and homosexuality wasn't ever a discussion we had.

You’ve clearly known of it for a long time since

Original poster
Joanne1233 · 07/05/2026 23:10

ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/05/2026 23:08

You’ve clearly known of it for a long time since

Show quote history

And how would you know that?

OP posts:
Confuserr · 08/05/2026 00:12

Joanne1233 · 07/05/2026 23:10

And how would you know that?

Show quote history

Because you said "DH has never been accepting of same sex couples as my brother is gay, so he's not going to change now."

Doesn't sound like homophobia just came over him yesterday tbf.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 08/05/2026 00:36

Joanne1233 · 07/05/2026 23:10

And how would you know that?

Show quote history

Well you said he’s never been accepting of it as your brother is gay. Your child is 18 so you’ve obviously been married a long time. I read your posts basically.

KojaksLollipop · 08/05/2026 00:44

You’re right, you need to divorce him. Whether you were right to marry him and have children with him is by the by now. The situation you are now in is what is at hand. You either buy him out of the house or you sell up. It will be a wrench but the living come first and you need to do this for your son.