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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it common to lose interest in your husband after a baby?

23 replies

Catcentral · 06/05/2026 12:56

I don't even know what I'm asking - my son was born in 2024 after a very long period of trying.
I love him so much and love spending time with him.

My issue is that I'm no longer interested in my husband - I'd just rather him not be around so I can focus fully on my gorgeous boy

Is this common
We both work outside the home. He comes home and parks himself in front of the tv. I carry all the mental load

OP posts:
Myfridgeiscool · 06/05/2026 13:00

It’s easy to lose respect for someone when they don’t carry any of the mental load and child rearing responsibilities. Kills the relationship. I had one like this. Don’t miss him. lol.

MayRibbons · 06/05/2026 13:05

I think the issue is not the baby. The issue is that your partner is not doing his 50% share of life with you. It kills joy, libido, relationship quite effectively.

moderate · 06/05/2026 13:14

It's common, baby or otherwise, to lose interest in a husband that treats you as a maid or admin.

BountifulPantry · 06/05/2026 14:58

Im surprised you’re only losing interest and not seething in a festering pile of rage at his audacity.

Dumbledore167 · 06/05/2026 19:28

The opposite was true for me when we had our 1st 14 years ago tbh - fell more madly in love (and that intensity has lasted). But I think that’s because he stepped up massively and did at least 60% of the mental load/house/baby stuff (I was studying and working FT at the time) which is so attractive. The opposite is also true re low effort and unattractiveness, I imagine.

KeeleyJ · 06/05/2026 19:37

Is your husband allowed near 'your' baby or is he now a spare part and doesn't know what his role is in your relationship beyond earning a wage? What happens when you go out for the day leaving him to get on with parenting or go out on date nights just the 2 of you?

What do you actually want to happen? If he's a crap husband and Dad, get rid of him otherwise you really need to both work on your relationship and start enjoying each other again.

HampsterCheese90 · 06/05/2026 19:42

PP are right.

I love my husband even more post kids. I love how well we work as a team and I love the kind of father he is.

Please don’t just dismiss your feelings as a post baby thing. You and your DH need to actively make changes for your relationship if you want to fix this.

thefloorislavayes · 06/05/2026 19:42

KeeleyJ · 06/05/2026 19:37

Is your husband allowed near 'your' baby or is he now a spare part and doesn't know what his role is in your relationship beyond earning a wage? What happens when you go out for the day leaving him to get on with parenting or go out on date nights just the 2 of you?

What do you actually want to happen? If he's a crap husband and Dad, get rid of him otherwise you really need to both work on your relationship and start enjoying each other again.

If OP is carrying 100% of the mental load I imagine what happens on a date night is that she has to book the restaurant, book the nanny, and be the entertainment.

ExitPursuedByABare · 06/05/2026 19:45

I did to be fair. But we are both older. Carried on happily together but any spark or desire had gone.

Minnie798 · 06/05/2026 19:46

KeeleyJ · 06/05/2026 19:37

Is your husband allowed near 'your' baby or is he now a spare part and doesn't know what his role is in your relationship beyond earning a wage? What happens when you go out for the day leaving him to get on with parenting or go out on date nights just the 2 of you?

What do you actually want to happen? If he's a crap husband and Dad, get rid of him otherwise you really need to both work on your relationship and start enjoying each other again.

I think this is a reasonable question.

Whodunnit508 · 06/05/2026 19:52

For me it was true but like the others have said it was because of feeling massively let down. He was/is a hands on dad but I felt alone and unsupported in other ways as a woman in a very vulnerable position having just given birth and being the main carer for our child for the first year. You don’t forget something like that and it was enough to make me leave him

ScorpionLioness79 · 06/05/2026 20:03

Not enough details to know if your husband is a jerk or if he's clueless or if you thought you knew better and chose to do the majority of the parenting tasks so he figured that's how you want it. You don't say if you communicated your wants to him or not, or expected him to read your mind or expected he should step up on his own and you have arguments that he hasn't.

I'd begin with asking for what you want. Don't use vocabulary that will put him on the defensive like, "You never XYZ." Just say, I've been so tired lately. While I do the dishes, I'd like you to bathe our child."

I don't know if your husband is lacking confidence. Maybe he didn't have a good role model. Maybe he's never been around kids much. If so, guide him and with practice, he will feel more comfortable. Don't criticize him if he's doing things differently, as long as it won't hurt the child. Rewarding him with your smile and positive words will have him wanting to repeat the activity and should have him bonding more with your son.

And if you have trusted relatives, etc., who could watch your child for a monthly date night, do so. And you can assign him to plan every other outing.

I'm assuming he's a decent man, because otherwise why did you marry him and think that adding a child would be adding to your familial love? Some men need concrete directions, not vague statements like you want him to help out more around the house. Yeah, it'd be nice if all partners would step up on their own, but if not, ask for what you want, see what happens, and go from there.

Wafflesandsyrup · 06/05/2026 20:09

Yes I had this exact feeling with my first. Suddenly all I cared about and wanted to focus on was the baby, at the detriment to my relationship. We worked really hard to get back to how we were but it took about a year. Looking back I think maybe I had some sort of postpartum anxiety.

IButtleSir · 06/05/2026 20:21

To echo PPs, I loved my wife (I'm also a woman, and gave birth to our baby) even more after our baby was born because I saw what an incredible mum and co-parent she is. Your husband is clearly not an incredible dad and co-parent, so it's no surprise you've lost interest in him.

AmberTigerEyes · 06/05/2026 20:22

No, it is not common but in this case your husband seems to have lost all interest in you and baby before you lost interest in him.

mathanxiety · 06/05/2026 20:46

It's easy and very common to lose interest in a sack of potatoes.

Ditto respect and affection. That's a two way street, and your husband needs to be told that.

mathanxiety · 06/05/2026 20:50

thefloorislavayes · 06/05/2026 19:42

If OP is carrying 100% of the mental load I imagine what happens on a date night is that she has to book the restaurant, book the nanny, and be the entertainment.

This happened to me.
"Why don't you pick a restaurant, find a babysitter, and I'll take you out to dinner one night."
Thanks, spag bol at home is less work.

Edited to add "make a reservation"...

thefloorislavayes · 06/05/2026 21:02

mathanxiety · 06/05/2026 20:50

This happened to me.
"Why don't you pick a restaurant, find a babysitter, and I'll take you out to dinner one night."
Thanks, spag bol at home is less work.

Edited to add "make a reservation"...

Edited

Me too, with my ex husband. I also had to pay for the nanny and the dinner as our finances were separate.

mathanxiety · 07/05/2026 02:04

ScorpionLioness79 · 06/05/2026 20:03

Not enough details to know if your husband is a jerk or if he's clueless or if you thought you knew better and chose to do the majority of the parenting tasks so he figured that's how you want it. You don't say if you communicated your wants to him or not, or expected him to read your mind or expected he should step up on his own and you have arguments that he hasn't.

I'd begin with asking for what you want. Don't use vocabulary that will put him on the defensive like, "You never XYZ." Just say, I've been so tired lately. While I do the dishes, I'd like you to bathe our child."

I don't know if your husband is lacking confidence. Maybe he didn't have a good role model. Maybe he's never been around kids much. If so, guide him and with practice, he will feel more comfortable. Don't criticize him if he's doing things differently, as long as it won't hurt the child. Rewarding him with your smile and positive words will have him wanting to repeat the activity and should have him bonding more with your son.

And if you have trusted relatives, etc., who could watch your child for a monthly date night, do so. And you can assign him to plan every other outing.

I'm assuming he's a decent man, because otherwise why did you marry him and think that adding a child would be adding to your familial love? Some men need concrete directions, not vague statements like you want him to help out more around the house. Yeah, it'd be nice if all partners would step up on their own, but if not, ask for what you want, see what happens, and go from there.

In other words, take on even more of the mental load.

This time, take on the responsibility for rekindling g the relationship.

With a man who comes home and sits like a lump on the couch all evening.

Women, know your place!

Villanousvillans · 07/05/2026 02:12

It’s common to want to focus on your baby in the early months. It’s also common to lose interest in sex, when your hormones are up and down and you are sleep deprived. However, if your DH is loving, supportive and pulls their weight, then you will recover from the birth and resume life as a loving couple. As your baby was born in 2024 you have a DH problem and it’s nothing to do with your baby.

canuckup · 07/05/2026 02:14

Yanbu

Riapia · 07/05/2026 07:07

You’ve known him all the time you’ve been pregnant and you’ve only just realised?
Unbelievable. 😉😁😁.

Imisscoffee2021 · 07/05/2026 07:09

Him parking himself in front of TV and tou carrying mental load will be thr major contributing factor to your disinterest. A baby changes a relationship dynamic so much and it takes recognising that ad working on it to retain the romance, I've found anyway.

Your son isn't a brand new babthkuough so it sounds like it's been going on for a bit too long, time to talk to eachother.

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