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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why? Why are they like this?!

5 replies

StartledPineapple · 05/05/2026 19:11

I'd been seeing someone fairly casually for a few weeks - someone I knew years ago so we were able to skip the getting to know you, etc. parts. We had a really good time but the weekend before last he started replying less and less - when I asked him about it he said he'd had a mad one celebrating an event with friends, but it didn't get better during the week last week. We agreed to see each other Sunday just gone but I had a spidey sense that he would cancel and/or just wasn't feeling it so I got in there first and said let's just end it here. He played it very much like 'oh ok I'm sorry it hasn't worked out, if that's what you want, etc.' - not really but I'm saving myself the heartache here!

He left some stuff at mine so we've been arranging to get it back to him. He now decides to say that he just wants to be on his own and also he's been having some issues with his [3] kids and they're his priority' - starting the message with 'I told you last week...' erm no you didn't as it was me who ended it? This was followed with 'I told you last week, I didn't think I needed to go into detail...'

I've literally not had one message from him saying he wanted to end it/break things off/not see me anymore - just silence! The gaslighting it off the scale!

Just why? Why are they like this?! I'm 40 years old and thinking I might just give up entirely as they genuinely never seem like they ever grow up!

OP posts:
Bumbumbumbumbum2026 · 05/05/2026 19:16

Sounds like you dodged a bullet, 3 kids too much drama!

ThisJadeBear · 05/05/2026 19:23

Well he clearly puts himself first above anyone. I bet you if you asked the mother of his 3 kids she’d agree.
He is pissed off you used your intuition to work out his behaviour.
He is extra pissed off you dumped him first.
’I told you last week’ how absolutely charming.
Don’t worry about his stuff, but don’t sit around either.
Why? I’ve no idea but it seems to be a theme on here that’s not going away.
I know marriages ended and partnerships too but it seems in most scenarios with straight couples women are left carrying the can and men revert to being 19.

TheThingOnTheIce · 05/05/2026 19:52

Yeah he’s pissed off that you dared to end it first.
his poor ickle ego is hurting so he wants to make it seem like it was his idea
just ignore him . You’re right they never grow up

XMissPlacedX · 05/05/2026 22:28

Yeah you bruised his ego, don’t worry OP he knows it was you that ended it really.

SqueakyFromme · 05/05/2026 22:38

weather forecast quite dry next few days so bin bags at the end of your driveway with his crap, let him know though

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