Still feel awful 3 months post breakup

[galaxybeyond101]

I came out of a 9-year on-and-off relationship at the beginning of March. We lived together, had no kids, but were planning a future. I was completely crushed to discover he had had been cheating on me (one night stands). I ended things immediately, but the whole experience has been very traumatic. I had to move back home and feel like I’m starting over from scratch at 30 and that time is against me.

The past 3 months have been so difficult. I’ve started therapy, and while some days are better than others, overall I still feel very low and flat. I miss him a lot, even though I know I could never go back. I constantly have the urge to reach out and talk to him (he’s currently blocked). Last night I even caught myself trying to come up with reasons to text him, but I didn’t.

Most mornings I wake up with a heavy, anxious feeling in my stomach. It’s hard to imagine ever fully moving on, especially since he was my first boyfriend and I spent all of my 20s with him.

I’m 30 now, and I can’t shake this horrible, nagging feeling that I’m running out of time, that he’s taken so many precious years from me. I know it’s not a healthy way to think, but it’s hard not to feel like I’ve lost something I can’t get back.

Does this feeling ever go away!!!

Absolutely it does. Cliche but time and therpay will help the healing from the grief. Be kind to yourself

It will sweetheart, you'll look back one day and wonder why you even bothered with him. Try and look forward, keep busy and get excited about.life again. I was widowed 18 months ago and now my zest for life is coming back and I'm 62, it just takes a bit of time x

I can vouch that it takes time. More time than you might expect.

You may never ever truly get over his treachery but many of us on MN, young and not so young just keep putting one foot in front of the other. What else can we do? Life goes on.

Some of us join a gym, go swimming, start a new hobby, take a solo holiday. A few months since breaking up is not long. It’s complex but time really is a great healer. One door closed and another will open. Maybe not straight away but it will! Be patient, keep busy and stop letting him live rent free in your head. It’s going to be OK, as many of us can testify. You’ll see. 💐

3 months is still very early days after almost a decade! Sounds like you’re doing great and doing everything right - just got to keep plugging away until time does its thing!

I am nearly twice your age and went through exactly the same thing. That feeling of moving home, my life is over, how do I start again at 30?
The thing that heals most is time, the thing that stops the healing is contact.
As much as you may want to reach out.
I think relationships at that age are unique as you experience lots of firsts together. You do a lot of growing up between 20 and 30, and so there is a different type of bond there.
I did regret spending so much time with someone for a while afterwards.
Now I realise time wasn’t running out, there is plenty of it.
The worst thing you can do is go back to avoid the hurt you are feeling now.
The best thing you can do is keep up with your therapy and find out what makes you tick.
I know finding out about the ONS is upsetting. I had to find out the same. Now I realise the young man in question was immature, felt he had got tied down too soon but did regret it. This is because I walked into him a decade later, we had a coffee and were actually able to discuss the good times we had shared.
Still, there was no need or want to go back, as he’d done some pretty awful things, and I could never get past them.
Replace old memories with new experiences. That’s the lesson I learned.
And please don’t worry about moving home I think so many people do. It’s not forever.
And try not to think of 30 as the end of something. For me, and every single one of my friends, it led to our best decades.