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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

is this coercive behaver

4 replies

happydaddy1 · 04/05/2026 23:07

never in a million years would i seek advise but i'm hurting for my partner and her children, and i'm stuck on what to do??

so they broke up a few years ago and eventually we met, he moved out but refused to take his name off the council tenancy (hes still on after nearly 4 years) my partner gave him access to the door bell so the kids could press it before school and say hi to him and when they returned (he never spoke to them through it) she disconnected it a few months ago as she found out he was using it at any time he so wished, and when the battery went flat he would txt his kids to go charge it, he parks a spare car outside on the street and drives by to check it randomly, he sat for the kids sparsely as long as my partner was only visiting and staying over at there eldest daughters or he wouldn't have looked after them, she has asked him to give her notice of 24hrs to take the kids out (he ignores that and txts just 1 of the kids 10 minutes before pick up so she has to stay in all day as he wont tell her when he's dropping the child back off, he only takes the one child out as he is easy to get information from and said child comes back miserable/moody and argumentative to his brothers and partner.
my partner is an angel and doesn't want the kids hurt but he's doing that himself, he constantly blames the mother (his ex) and he tells them its mums fault for the split so the kids are mad at mum even though she's tried to explain.
she plucked up the courage to start a divorce a couple of months ago and he said a clean break would be best but now he wants to delay things as he thinks she is supporting ME financially (we support each other in so many ways we buy shopping to take to each others house at the weekends when we can) yes he's bitter and jealous we both know that but i feel he is stopping her from living her own life how she should and or how she wants.
just a little help please

OP posts:
myyoungerself · 04/05/2026 23:44

A friend, his ex (of 6+) years have recently moved in with her ex,
Special times indeed 🤣

DurinsBane · 04/05/2026 23:49

myyoungerself · 04/05/2026 23:44

A friend, his ex (of 6+) years have recently moved in with her ex,
Special times indeed 🤣

I’m confused how that relates to the OPs post?! 😁

Applewisp · 05/05/2026 06:00

This was written unclearly. A lot of the situation details are not well outlined.

Endofyear · 05/05/2026 07:22

Your partner needs to start standing up to her ex and not allow him to control her home life with the children. She's been foolish to allow this situation to develop. She needs to divorce him and arrange a regular schedule for him to have the children.

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