I think I’m falling for him

[MusicMagpie197]

Man I’ve known for years and always liked, a couple of months ago we got chatting and meet each week, enjoy company listen to music and have a few drinks and we always have sex. We text most days but I’m not clear in what he wants. I can feel myself catching feelings. Should I let him know? I don’t want to scare him away because either way I’d be happy to continue as we are so I don’t want to let him know and that makes him back off

We go on dates and then usually go back to his. I really like him. I’ve liked him for ages. He does text first and give signs that he does like and things heading in right direction.

I think I have some kind of anxiety disorder. I’ve always had anxiety but it he doesn’t reply
stroaght away I start think the worse. I constantly feel sick and teary and I don’t know if it’s because of relationship or partly some depression. If it makes any difference this is my first relationship/sex since my divorce.

The only way forward is to have ‘the’ conversation with him I’m afraid. It’s already eating away at you and making you miserable. Once those feelings start, you can’t turn them off and go back to how you were before.

I sympathise. I’m actually in a similar position except mine is also long distance and at some point we need to have a very awkward conversation about if we’re having an actual relationship and if so, how do we make it work given the distance. I’m doing anything to avoid that discussion as I don’t want things to end but it’s getting harder and harder to pretend I’m fine with just casual.

Hi Op, it sounds as though you have an anxious insecure attachment style. Have a look into it and see if it resonates. I’d recommend the book ‘Attached’ If you want to explore this in more detail and find a relationship that works for you.

Always use the golden rule, If a man doesn’t like you, you will feel confused, If he likes you, you will know.

This may be the sort of thing you need to hear, OP?

I've had a similar awkward conversation recently with a new friend. It wasn't necessarily what I wanted to hear, but it has straightened things out and has stopped the chaotic 'am I falling for him' thoughts.

We now enjoy each other's company (and fall into bed together) knowing that it won't lead to any form of commitment other than friendship - we have agreed to prioritise staying friends when it does come to an end. Knowing where you stand without having to guess is a relief/ feels grown-up/ is bittersweet!

My last relationship was similar - together 4 years until the physical side petered out and still good friends 18 months on, both dating other people and providing each other with emotional support and pep-talks!

Good luck with your situation. I really would have a talk with him sooner rather than later though for your own peace of mind. Big hugs to you.

The positives of this is that if there’s one thing it’s taught you is that you need a proper commitment and not this silly friends with benefits hook-ups that only really benefit the guy. Where they blank you and are only ever all over you when they want to meet for sex. Then you’re dropped like a hot potato again.

if he’s not answering his phone, it’s probably because he’s making out with another girl or he’s playing video games where he needs space and is not prepared to have some Velcro relationship where the guy is 24/7 on tap that you seem to want.

Why not put him off, if he doesn't want more hrs not that into you. Move on time.
Would you really want to carry on shagging a man who doesn't want to date you?
For your mental health and happiness you need to make a decision one way or the other.

You need to love yourself and look after YOU!!