husband doesn't ancy me any more

[mad83]

Hi this is my first time, on here. I have been married for 25 years, and thought everything was fine and dandy. Then I got an intuative feeling that all was not well. Anyway I asked him this afternoon if he still wanted me and he said he didn't know!! well my world started to crumble, he said he loves me but doesn't fancy me anymore but doesn't know why. He wants to work it out himself before going to a relate person. I don't know what to do, he says there isn't anyone else, and I beleive me. He is 50 this year and our children are 22,20,12 and 9 he says he wants his freedom. I am so upset

Freedom from what? You? You need to explain to him that even if he is free from you he will never be free from his responsibilities to his children, particularly the 12 and 9 year old.

So much for "in sickness and in health".
It's not really a question of fancying some one or not, it's a question of loyalty.

But I must say that partners of MS sufferers do not always stick around. There is a great temptation to cut and run and I'm sure life is very difficult for your dh. Not as difficult as it is for you, of course! But he is probably worrying about the future and how to cope. Have you looked into what help is available - respite care for example? Is there a support group for partners?

Sorry, reading your post again I realise that respite care is probably way, way into the future. But worth looking at what's available for now and the future, don't you think?

Hi I am going through this a bit with DP right now. More to do with him being depressed than my disability, IMHO. I don't have MS but do have a neuro illness which makes me very fatigued and a bit forgetful at times so some similarities. What your DH seems to be raising is quite a new issue not directly related to your illness. He is taking you for granted. Let him see what he could lose if he leaves. Going back to work is a good opportunity. Maybe build in some dressing up and socialising etc - even if you can't be bothered?

I'm not convinced he wants to go. He could leave if that was the case. Maybe he just wants things to change. Can you afford a cleaner/ironing service/anyone who will take some of the mundane stuff out of life?

Hi again, he went out last night and was gone for 4 hours, went to see his sister and then went driving down the A1. Said he wants this to work but is confused on what to do. True what you all say though, I am building on making myself better, show him what he will be missing. My eldest two can't beleive this is happening and they were very upset also. MY very best friend who lives 300 mile away said I must not ask anything else just leave him to work it out, he said he will go and a Dr about the sex issue and a concellor so I suppose that is a move forward. But the awful feeling is there, like will he all of a sudden say 'well I am leaving' months down the line I feel so hurt, in the all the 25 years I have only been heart brioken once when we lost a baby, I didn't realise someone you love so much could hurt you so much, well I knew obviously, but I never thought it would happen to me. xxxx

Hmmm, I don't fancy my dh anymore so I can't help you I'm afraid. He's like a housemate.

I wonder if your DH has lost sight of how much he is hurting you? When things are stronger it might be something you feel you have to discuss. I think a person in crisis (e.g. your DH)can become very inward looking.

Love hurts sometimes but you can heal that hurt, I think.