Brother-in-law dismissive of my family at special occasions and visits

[Ontobetterthings]

BIL is only interested in his side of the family. For context hes an only child. Its becoming more and more uncomfortable. When we go round on the special occasions invited he makes it obvious you aren't welcome.

He always critiquing my mum and my Sis now has some awful opinions of my mum and seems to be getting worse.

Has anyone else put up with this rudeness? We are always polite and careful what we say.

How can he be your BIL if he’s an only child? Surely your partner is his sibling?

I suspect BIL is married to OP’s sibling?

I think he is the husband of OP's sister.

Yes sorry. That's correct. He's married to my sister.

What does your sister do / say? If my DH started up with anything like that he’d get a piece of my mind - and vice versa

Any examples?

How is he only interested in his side of the family,
it sounds like he doesn’t have much family anyway?

What kind of thing does he say? I think if he’s being downright rude then it’s better to call that out and acknowledge that his comments are hurtful. Sometimes being polite and careful in your responses just emboldens a rude person. How is he with your DS? Re they happy? Any signs of control? I think I would also have a quiet word with her to try to understand what’s going on.

Sounds like he’s working to isolate your DS, I’d just continue to visit and support your DS.

Yes, this. Does he have a vested interest in alienating DSis from the rest of you? Maintain the contact with your sister, maybe just sideline him as best as you can.

How has your sister’s opinion of your DM changed?

If you've ever been anywhere near Mumsnet before you'll know it's perfectly ok to dislike your inlaws.

Perhaps he doesn't want you or your Mum around at all but your sister rightly insists on it, as it's her home too.

Still, that won't make it any easier for him if he dislikes his MIL.

I think you'll just have to accept what you can't change, or stop going round there.

For context, being an only child does not have anything to do with the fact that he is a contemptuous arsehole.

Sorry, I had a brain freeze. So when you and your DH go round to their house, he’s rude about your Mum and sister?

He needs to be called out, firmly told that you’re not talking about your side of the family. My MIL has a phrase “We don’t talk about that” to shut down conversations and perhaps you should use something similar? “ We’re not talking about Mum so let’s change the subject.” Same with criticism of your sister, refuse to engage.

You can also have a quiet word with your sister and say that you’re not willing to discuss your Mum with him so please tell him this.

True about the only child thing having nothing to do with it.

But if disliking your inlaws and not wanting them in your home makes someone a contemptuous arsehole, that means Mumsnet is choc full of them.

Seriously? 😂

They always holidays with his family every year but it will be made a massive deal if she wants to do a day out with our mum. Theres never any time.

She cant drop by or drop anything in without weeks notice. They are inflexible but his family are round daily. If we go round after invitation he goes upstairs. He will make micro aggressions to my mum and hold her up to an impossible standard. Its all quite unpleasant.

Then my sis is really critical of her at all times. She cant do anything right. I feel my ds is becoming bitter.

BIL is only interested in his side of the family...... He always critiquing my mum and my Sis now has some awful opinions of my mum and seems to be getting worse.

If you'd said this was your SIL favouring her own parents and trying to drive a wedge between your brother and his own family I'd say 'so far, so normal.'

It's actually a relief to hear it can happen the other way around sometimes.

It sounds like your sister needs support to help leave him.

Do they have kids? Does she want to stay with him?

He sounds really unpleasant. What are you prepared to do differently. It does not sound like he will change.

One of the first comments on here came across quite rude and a bit aggressive and you responded very politely and calmly which is absolutely appropriate for a one time comment on a forum but it probably is not appropriate for someone who is constantly and consistently mistreating you, could you speak up?

Then my sis is really critical of her at all times.

He's either turning your sister against your mum or he's opening her eyes to her, no-one here will know which it is.

But there's nothing my DH could say that'd make me suddenly turn against my mum, unless I started to see her differently.

Sounds like coercive control to me he is trying to alienate your sister from her family.

Yo need to talk to your sister alone.

This. Criticising only children is like casual racism, it just slips out. And another one of my favourites, people who refer to our whole country as England.

Your sister needs to give her head a wobble and stand up for her family.