Is this the script? Is there someone else?

[Neverendingsaga1]

Sudden change
blaming, picking out faults and confronting with them
stating now thinks never loved them
this is not long after a hysterectomy and loss of sex drive
Stating wants to spend more time with adult kids & grandchildren after years of being led by what wife wants/wifes family & can only do this alone
seeing a therapist who has apparently told them they need to put themselves first
Insisting there is no one else
rumours of affair with work colleague (raised by colleague’s husband) but denied as did they
sudden short break abroad and said had gone with another male who’d recently split with wife
Married x 10 years
Had a history; x 3 marriages, multiple affairs (not with current wife)

person doing this is male, late 60’s

Thank you

Unfortunately it doesn’t look good. Even if it isn’t an affair is this someone you want to be with long term? I’m sorry, that must be very tough

Sorry OP but yes it sounds like the script.

And unfortunately his history of infidelity must mean it's hardly a surprise because it's a pattern of behaviour

This man has serious form. Hardly surprising if they are cheating.

It does sound like there is someone else.

Yes and most probably.

Either way you'll be divorced in 2 years..

The marriage is over.

"The Scorpion and the Frog" (sometimes featuring a turtle or fox). It is a famous animal fable, often attributed to Russian origins, that highlights the dangers of trusting someone who cannot change their inherent nature.

The Story
The Request: A scorpion wants to cross a deep river but cannot swim. He asks a frog to carry him on its back.
The Hesitation: The frog is hesitant, pointing out that scorpions are dangerous and that the scorpion could sting him, causing them both to die.
The Promise: The scorpion argues that if he stung the frog, they would both drown, making it illogical to do so.
The Betrayal: The frog is convinced by this logic and agrees to carry the scorpion. Halfway across the river, the scorpion stings the frog anyway.
The Conclusion: As they both sink to their deaths, the dying frog asks why the scorpion stung him. The scorpion replies, "It’s in my nature".

He has form. It's grim, and at late 60's extra grim.

Yes and yes.

It’s the script. I would try very hard to get whatever evidence you can of an affair with the coworker - surely there’s a trail of who he went on a weekend away with? Or traces in bank statements of restaurants/bars you weren’t at with him or hotels? Or in his phone if you can get in it?

You know it's the script OP 💐

Yes, and yes. Really sorry op. Time to get out.

Just one voice of mild dissent here - if he's in his late sixties, he could be undergoing some personality changes as part of cognitive decline.

But that's just a suggestion based on age. More than likely it's the script, but he's not going to be looking a tremedously attractive proposition unless he's a millionaire.

Thank you everyone, when I wrote it all out I knew but I’m so ‘in my own head’ at present I can’t see the wood for the trees

Added to any betrayal, he has also chosen a time when you might reasonably need him to provide more practical support than is usual.

As you are recovering from major surgery, he is only focused on his own wants.

You deserve so much better @Neverendingsaga1 💐

Without all the other stuff, someone who has had 3 marriages…are you no. 3 or 4?…has cheated on everyone else, is always going to maintain form. People with a lifetime pattern of infidelity don’t suddenly just become monogamous.

dead eyes?
changed hours?
going out more?
more alone time in the home?
saying that if you (mistrust him/question him/comment on anything) that you are failing to support his therapist-ordered recovery, which shows you don't love him?
new aftershave/products/clothing?
changing body (fitter, tanned)?
sudden new interest (author/music/hobby)?
angry with you for things from 20 years ago?`

From what you say - the whole claiming he never loved you stuff - it sounds likely to me.