Does my husband's behaviour suggest he has a crush on our friend?

[frostpod]

Over the years I have noticed a certain dynamic where my husband is often a bit agitated in the company of a friend of ours wife. They have all known each other since they were teenagers and while we do sometimes socialise together I don't know this woman very well. She doesn't drink and is fairly quiet, doesn't give much away. I do think she can be funny and I like her but I don't know her well.

What I do notice is that my husband is wound up by her even being in the same room. He will relentlessly tease her and try to get a rise out of her, he will say how he doesn't like it when she is there because she doesn't drink. Essentially she will be the focus of his attention most of the time they are in the same place while she herself says very little and what she does say seemingly getting under his skin.

At one point I actually thought he doesn't like her much now I think it might be the opposite and that he does like her quiet a lot. It's bothering me but at the same time I don't actually think anything is happening or will happen. I just wish he would be a bit more normal around her.

Do you think am correct to think he has a crush on her?

There's your answer - his ego is put out by being treated as a minor annoyance. She sounds confident and self contained and not falling over herself to engage with men let alone impress them. Good for her.

You don't see them often because she doesn't want to be around your husband

Yeah you need to tell him to stop!! The poor woman probably hates going out with the friend group because of your husband. It’s really not fair in her even if he is doing it a jokey manner. You say he’s not a bully but then he acts like this with her. I feel for her and you I really do.

I would go mad if it was me. I'd have it out with her, tell her to keep away from him.

You do realise OP that the whole thing about bullying is the person being bullied doesn't say anything - or at least anything effective enough to make it stop? That's the reason the bully keeps on doing it. You said she doesn't seem to mind especially. But you have no idea, really. I would hate it (and have experienced it before) but still probably wouldn't say anything.

He fancies her. 100%.

As @SisterMidnight77 says, he does fancy her. I knew that the man bullying me was doing it because he fancied me. But it didn't make it any less of a pain in the arse. I felt I couldn't speak out because I was staying with my (same age) married relative in another country and this man and his wife were their friends. So it would have been difficult to tell him how much he repulsed me.

You think he is not a bully yet he tells this woman he doesn't like it when she is there, he makes her the focus of his attention even though it makes her uncomfortable ! Prince Charming he is not.

Lol, insecure?

No, he’s unnerved by her silence so overcompensating and not in a good way.

Maybe he actually is jealous of her and likes his friend a bit too much! Alternatively maybe he feels awkward around introverts and is clumsily trying to bring her out of her shell / include her? I can be introverted and seem to have this effect on extroverts.

Or maybe he just likes everyone to conform( peer pressure

I've been no alcohol all my life...he sounds like the teen boys that used to try to get me to try booze. Maybe he just never left that mentality.

Doesn't sound like a crush, it's sounds like an aggressive bully who doesn't take no for an answer.

Maybe past history with them both?

As usual I agree with @outerspacepotato.

He just sounds like a complete and utter arsehole to me. More like he doesn’t like her being there because she doesn’t drink and maybe he feels that his friend drinks less/is less fun because of her or some nonsense. It sounds like he harasses and bullies her relentlessly because he wants her to stay home and let her husband attend alone.

I'd hate it if I were her. Does she ever say anything back to him? Does the "ribbing" go both ways? He sounds annoying when you're having drinks

I think they were probably an item at some time (or your DH wanted them to be) it definitely feels like unresolved issues- really you have to discuss it with him.

What she supposed to have done? It doesn’t sound like she goes anywhere near him??