Dating with herpes - is it all over?

[charmingpony]

Hi ladies, I'm a 32yo trying to date on the apps and finding it just as difficult as everyone else -- except I'm now waiting for test results that might tell me I have herpes (hsv-2). I'm terrified I'm going to have an even harder time dating.

Can anyone who's been through this tell me how they found it? Does anyone know of female friends who have it who then went on to have great relationships?

Feeling quite low right now...

How easy is it to pass on if you've been properly treated?

I contracted it once. Went on to marry someone else, had a child. Never got it again.

A big chunk of the population also has it, so presumably they'll be cool with dating someone else who does.

A doctor once told me herpes is "a nuisance disease", i.e. it's not considered anything very serious. I gather the general population once saw it that way, too, but at some point it became an excuse to shame people, and a source of tremendous angst.
I know I have the virus, but like a lot of people, I'm asymptomatic. The last time I had an STD test, there was no mention of it, which I am still puzzled by.

I used it in the past to put off a man who kept telling me he wanted sex but not a relationship. He promptly told his friend, who later told me, so I realised it's tricky to use as a dickhead filter.

I had it once a 25 years ago and I’ve never had it since.

Im 33 have herpes , had my first outbreak years and years ago and had a couple since then. It’s never bothered any of my boyfriends. Now happily settled down with two kids

Did you tell your now partner? How did they react?

This word for word. Caught it and got treated in around 1998 and never came back.

Did you tell your subsequent partners?

No. I actually when I got it and was treated all them years ago was lead to believe it was a one off thing. Its only in recent years I realise that it can live in your system but I was not made aware of that at the time. My ex from the 90's also gave me genital warts which I had to be treated for so maybe I did not listen to any information correctly anyway but I did not disclose it anyway to any partner since I was treated.

Got it from cheating ex in my 20s. Told all partners since. Now married with kids. My life is normal.
Took a while to get here though. Forgave my ex and was convinced noone would want me. Wish id not spent so much time torturing myself

Two of my girl group have it OP, similar age to you. Hasn't held either of them back about finding boyfriends.

I think it's very common now and not thought of the same way as in the past.

Don't stress ❤️

HSV 2 is genital herpes, I think people get a bit more worried about that than the oral one, although both can be equally painful, lots of people carry both but I have found the attitudes to herpes different from country to country and across different cultures.
Their has been cases of litigation especially in the USA, not sure about the UK.

Once you have herpes ( either type ) then it will remain in your body forever, so you have to make sure potential partners are aware and take antivirals if needed, look up the symptoms of reoccurance so you can be aware of it coming back so you can take precautions.

All you can be is open and honest.

Thank you for telling me this, I appreciate it. Do you know if your girlfriends tell their partners?

it might also be type 1 if it’s from oral sex, which is the cold sores that most people get on their mouths

Once infected you will always have it and be able to pass it on, even without symptoms. The risk of transmission can be substantially reduced by using condoms and taking anti virals, however.

Herpes is not usually included in STD screening tests.

It would be irresponsible not to tell a new partner.

Plenty of people go on to have great relationships.
I do think it's something that a potential partner should be made aware of though . It can be seriously problematic and cause awful complications in someone who is immune suppressed, for example.

Those saying had it and never came back. It still can. My friend had 25yrs no flares, now back regularly. It never goes away fully, just lays dormant so you should still be telling partners.

Hi OP. not quite the same but I have HPV. I’ve had it for years and need to have yearly smears as have had abnormal cells. This also gave me genital warts this last November. I got with DP in August, so I could have had the virus for months and not known from who or when I got it. I had to tell DP about it but I was very very frightened he’d dump me. He hasn’t. We moved in together in February and have a wonderful and very close relationship. If you date the right people, it won’t matter. don’t worry about it, you will be fine. I felt really really low and hated myself for ages so I know how it feels.

Yes both their partners know. Neither had any issue. I was a bit nervous for them before they told them but both guys were fine and not concerned. I think it's really common now, 10-15% in the uk and it's often around your age group!

Neither of the girls seemed to be worried about telling them - they are both Aussies and seemed to take it all in their stride.

I think you mainly have to be careful when you have symptoms but it's not very often they re-occur especially after the first year. Before anyone pipes up I know there is a small chance of passing it on outside of that but I think with a boyfriend that knows the risk most couples just don't worry about that.

I promise that you don't need to become a nun! It's annoying but becomes totally normal.

Thank you so much for telling me this. Honestly, you've really helped me today. Going a bit through it right now but this is very reassuring xxx