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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it normal for children to keep asking about an absent dad?

48 replies

OnionRingss · 27/04/2026 18:46

I just wondered if anyone else had this experience as this keeps happening and im finding it a little odd now. My sons dad isnt involved but children at his school keep constantly asking him where his dad is… today my son came home and he said another kid kept asking him where his dad was, how often he sees him etc and he said “but he doesn’t live with you!” it’s happening a lot like more than what seems a normal amount as my son comes out all the time and tells me people keep asking him where his father is, this is secondary so it’s not like parents even come to the school for them to notice. He did also get it a lot in primary school, where’s your dad, why doesn’t he come to school, why doesnt he come to sports day… but I assumed that would die down in secondary as parents aren’t as involved anyway, reason im asking is it upsets my son and he doesn’t want people to know his father doesnt see him so he said he lies and pretends he does see him. Does this sound odd that they keep asking or is this normal in your experience if your kids don’t see their dad? Thought single parent families were quite common these days but the way he is being questioned seems like it’s not.

OP posts:
Thundertoast · 27/04/2026 18:48

This might be totally off, but is it possible a parent at school knows your child's father somehow and knows they dont see each other and has been gossiping and thats got back to the children, so the children keep asking because they are hearing different things? Awful behaviour all round if so!Im sorry this is happening to your son.

Lavender14 · 27/04/2026 18:50

I was wondering the same. Would a parent know something negative about your child's father and has been gossiping and their child over heard?

At that age you'd expect them to be old enough to know that not everyone has a mum and dad who are both around and involved.

OnionRingss · 27/04/2026 18:51

Thundertoast · 27/04/2026 18:48

This might be totally off, but is it possible a parent at school knows your child's father somehow and knows they dont see each other and has been gossiping and thats got back to the children, so the children keep asking because they are hearing different things? Awful behaviour all round if so!Im sorry this is happening to your son.

No he lives miles away and has no connections to the area

OP posts:
OnionRingss · 27/04/2026 18:55

There’s nothing particular negative about him other than a dead beat he doesn’t live in my area never has and has no connections to it. I live in a large city not a small town or anything

OP posts:
Patientlywaited81 · 27/04/2026 19:29

Your son is in secondary school?

Tryingtobenormal124 · 27/04/2026 19:36

Is it the same kid asking all the time. Can your son just say he works away, no idea when he'll see him.

OnionRingss · 27/04/2026 19:40

Tryingtobenormal124 · 27/04/2026 19:36

Is it the same kid asking all the time. Can your son just say he works away, no idea when he'll see him.

No it’s different children. Oh he also asked him what job he does, thats reminded me.

OP posts:
Patientlywaited81 · 27/04/2026 19:40

OnionRingss · 27/04/2026 19:40

No it’s different children. Oh he also asked him what job he does, thats reminded me.

How old is your son?

ForAzureSeal · 27/04/2026 19:40

Is it possible nobody at school is asking and your DC is using it as a cover to ask questions/raise the topic? Truth is single parents are really not uncommon but it is uncommon to have zero contact with a non-resident parent.

Patientlywaited81 · 27/04/2026 19:41

I think your son is just trying to have a conversation with you about his dad to find out more - and this is his way to initiate the discussion.

I doubt it’s actually happening

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 27/04/2026 19:44

I was also going to say that maybe your son is saying this as a way to get you talking about his dad?

OnionRingss · 27/04/2026 19:46

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 27/04/2026 19:44

I was also going to say that maybe your son is saying this as a way to get you talking about his dad?

No I don’t think it’s that, he knows he can speak to me about him and ive left him know if he ever wants to reach out he can. I believe him when he says they are asking him. Just wondered if anyone else had experienced this.

OP posts:
Patientlywaited81 · 27/04/2026 19:46

How old is he??

ForAzureSeal · 27/04/2026 19:50

OnionRingss · 27/04/2026 19:46

No I don’t think it’s that, he knows he can speak to me about him and ive left him know if he ever wants to reach out he can. I believe him when he says they are asking him. Just wondered if anyone else had experienced this.

In which case , no. This kind of behaviour is unusual for secondary school age and I would hope it does down.

It's a shame he's felt he needs to lie to get people off his back. Can you help him find a way to set the record straight and shut people down? Does it feel like bullying or curiosity do you think? If more bullying I would deal with it differently to curiosity.

Morepositivemum · 27/04/2026 19:50

Maybe it’s kids’ whose parents are having problems and they want to find out about your situation.

OnionRingss · 27/04/2026 19:53

ForAzureSeal · 27/04/2026 19:50

In which case , no. This kind of behaviour is unusual for secondary school age and I would hope it does down.

It's a shame he's felt he needs to lie to get people off his back. Can you help him find a way to set the record straight and shut people down? Does it feel like bullying or curiosity do you think? If more bullying I would deal with it differently to curiosity.

I think maybe saying he works away would be the best idea

OP posts:
OnionRingss · 27/04/2026 19:54

Patientlywaited81 · 27/04/2026 19:46

How old is he??

14

OP posts:
Patientlywaited81 · 27/04/2026 19:54

OnionRingss · 27/04/2026 19:53

I think maybe saying he works away would be the best idea

No. It’s a lie. Fgs no.

WorkCleanRepeat · 27/04/2026 19:55

I think this is pretty common in secondary schools. I remember explaining my family situation quite regularly as part of general "Getting to know you" conversations. You sit with different people in each class every year.

I'd have never thought to go home and tell my Mum about those conversations though.

OnionRingss · 27/04/2026 19:57

WorkCleanRepeat · 27/04/2026 19:55

I think this is pretty common in secondary schools. I remember explaining my family situation quite regularly as part of general "Getting to know you" conversations. You sit with different people in each class every year.

I'd have never thought to go home and tell my Mum about those conversations though.

He tells me every little conversation he has at school 😂 it’s nice that he is so open but I do sometimes wonder why he gives me a complete run down of every conversation

OP posts:
OnionRingss · 27/04/2026 19:57

Nice to know it might not be that weird though

OP posts:
Patientlywaited81 · 27/04/2026 20:00

OnionRingss · 27/04/2026 18:55

There’s nothing particular negative about him other than a dead beat he doesn’t live in my area never has and has no connections to it. I live in a large city not a small town or anything

If your son knows this, then he should just say this to them.

He won’t be the only one!!

WorkCleanRepeat · 27/04/2026 20:01

OnionRingss · 27/04/2026 19:57

Nice to know it might not be that weird though

I did sometimes find it tedious and a bit awkward answering the questions. I always answered honestly though. I dont think the questions ever came from a bad place. Just teenagers being curious.

Hatty65 · 27/04/2026 20:12

I've taught teenagers for 30 years and I'm really surprised if 14 yo lads are asking questions about his Dad. It's very, very unusual. They aren't usually curious about family and they aren't usually emotionally literate enough to ask personal questions.

I've also got 2 sons of my own and am frequently surprised by how little interest they have in their mates' home lives. It's not a subject that comes up and if you ask them 'what does so and so's Dad do?' they have no clue and look surprised that you think they might know.

Patientlywaited81 · 27/04/2026 20:32

Hatty65 · 27/04/2026 20:12

I've taught teenagers for 30 years and I'm really surprised if 14 yo lads are asking questions about his Dad. It's very, very unusual. They aren't usually curious about family and they aren't usually emotionally literate enough to ask personal questions.

I've also got 2 sons of my own and am frequently surprised by how little interest they have in their mates' home lives. It's not a subject that comes up and if you ask them 'what does so and so's Dad do?' they have no clue and look surprised that you think they might know.

This

it’s the son wanting to know more about his dad I’d bet

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