Learning to love yourself….

[hubbabubba1980]

Someone please tell me how you learn to love yourself.

I was broken when my husband of 9 years left suddenly my a year ago and it took me a long time to feel normal (ish!) again. I cried for a long time and was a mess. I still feel the pain of his betrayal.

A year on, I have just come out of a 3 month relationship and although it ended very amicably and for the right reasons, I feel so sad.

My friend’s keep telling me to learn to love myself first before meeting anyone else. I agree, but how do you learn to love yourself and be a confident woman?

I know I need to continue with my healing journey so have self-referred for therapy, but I know that won’t happen immediately.

How do you learn to love yourself?

I wish I knew! I can only guess that its realising that you're ok on your own and don't need anyone else to complete you as they say. That if you meet someone they are an addition to your life not the glue that holds you together.
You need to be able to spend time on your own. You need to like yourself and think to yourself that you're a good person by considering all of the positive aspects of your personality. Dress for you no one else. That type of thing. All makes sense to me.
I'm yet to work on all of that. Maybe someone will be along soon with something more concrete. 😊

If you're the same poster as the one who recently had a three-month relationship end because she wanted more pre-planning of time together at weekends, I think you had good advice on your other thread. You seemed as if you were jumping back into what you wanted to be a committed relationship because you'd started dating too soon after the traumatic end of your marriage -- whereas in fact, you'd been seeing this guy for three months, roughly twice a week, so it was the very early days of 'seeing someone' rather than a 'relationship' as such.

I think you need to give yourself more time on your own to heal from the end of your marriage, and to be in a much stronger, happier and self-centred headspace before you date again. You need to be happy in yourself and with the way your life is before you venture back into dating, not looking for someone to complete you or fill a gap. Focus on all your other moving parts -- fitness, friends, work, fun, parenting etc. Make those as good as they can be. See a potential relationship as an added bonus to an already good life. Therapy is an excellent idea.

@TerracottaBowl
It’s my first time here 😬
Thank you for your advice though, appreciate it x

@Splashmeagain
Thank you, great advice. My friends say similar, it’s just hard to put into practice. It’s hard not to want that validation from someone, often a man, when you don’t think much of yourself.

I have the opposite view, get back in the saddle so to speak and its perfectly fine to learn to love yourself while dating.

I did, I had to love myself 3 years ago. Going on dates gave me a purpose, otherwise half the week when I dont have my kids felt very lonely. You seem to spot other couples and feel you are missing out.

Validation is nice, making that effort to go out and look good etc... learning about other people and sharing your stories, chats on WA during the day. It can also make you realise you are a good person (I didnt think I was when marraige ended). You realise that other people like you, you are not a monster, you realise you have something to give. Just dont set high expectations.

I have no advice I'm afraid but following hoping to gain some wisdom. I'm in a very similar boat and feeling very lonely at the moment. I hope things work out for you x

Think about how you treat your best friend - you talk her up, tell her she looks great, emphasise all her best features and cheer on all her achievements & hopes and dreams. You pick her up when she's down, hug her when she's sad, treat her to her favourite things just because you love her! Now do that for you ❤️

Well, maybe it will help to know there’s someone out there dealing with similar — one year out of a marriage, three-month relationship that ended, feeling a hit lost.