Me and my gf have been together 18 months. When we met she was seeing this woman let’s call her Mel. Mel and her were on and off for two years. My gf supposedly wanting a relationship and Mel picking her up and dropping her whether it suited her. My gfs friends all hate Mel and wanted her to stop seeing her as it upset my gf so much.
There was a slight overlap between me and Mel. I didn’t know this until months later. When I found out we were not exclusive yet but I asked my gf confirm if it was defo done and no feelings there. She did. She actually complained a lot about her at first.
The other night my gf was being panicking when her phone was open on WhatsApp. We are both usually quite chill about messaging people in front of each other. She was trying to hide her phone from me. I laughed and then it happened again so I got worried. I saw a chat with Mel. I said oooo who’s Mel. She said ah no one really. After a few minutes she said it was the ex that she had mentioned.
I was upset. She has apparently been texting her for a few weeks in secret. She had previously told me I was the most stable partner she had ever had. She says she loves me. She had not mentioned to Mel that she had a gf.
I told her I can’t believe you would risk what we have for someone who doesn’t even want you who is just messing you around. I said I think you like the idea of me not the reality. She said she doesn’t know what she wants.
She said she was sorry and was devastated. She then said she wants a relationship with me. She has told Mel about me now and said she can’t message her anymore. She has started therapy.
She can’t give me a reason why she did it. I feel I need this to try and move on.
I’m struggling so much, crying every day. But then also thinking I’m overreacting at times as it wasn’t actually cheating. I’m so confused. I don’t know where to go from here.