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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How to cope with difficult in-laws on a family holiday

16 replies

FrogsAndFrogs · 26/04/2026 20:51

Struggling with in-laws since baby - how to cope on holiday together?

I’ve been finding it really hard to be around my in-laws since having my baby, and we’re due to go on holiday with them this year, with my partner’s siblings and their respective families. We’re normally seen as the helpers and easy ones but a lot has changed.

They haven’t been particularly supportive (which I can accept), but they’re very opinionated and quite judgemental – especially about breastfeeding and now how my toddler eats (she eats well, just messily like most toddlers). They believe children should be seen not heard.

Before I had a baby I got on really well with my FIL, and he was very supportive of my business. Since becoming a mum, I feel like he’s written me off a bit. There’s also tension because me and my husband can’t always drop everything to help them with whatever they want anymore now we have a child.

For context, we don’t have much support, and I had to return to work after 2 months as I’m self-employed. Around 2.5 months postpartum, FIL was already questioning why my business wasn’t “back up and running” completely. He wasn’t around much in my partner’s early years due to his business, so it makes sense he doesn’t have a lot of practical childbearing experience.

More recently, they’ve started making a lot of comments about people’s weight and how everyone should be on weight loss injections. I’m still breastfeeding and struggling to lose weight, so this is making me quite anxious - especially as we’ll be going swimming etc.

I’m trying to stay calm and remind myself they just have a very different perspective, but I’m worried about snapping if it continues.

Any advice on how to handle this /get through the holiday without blowing up? I swear breastfeeding has made me a rage monster 😂

OP posts:
Notabarbie · 26/04/2026 20:57

I don't think it's a good idea to try to have a holiday with them. They will make you feel anxious which isn't good for your baby.

If you must go, you can only detach and work on vaguely assertive phrases that will leave everyone too perplexed to react. Something like "It is not everyone who shares your passion for plain speaking" follower by a bland remark about the weather.

TerracottaBowl · 26/04/2026 21:00

Just don’t go. It won’t be fun.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/04/2026 21:02

What does your men think of his parents behaviour?.

Do not go on holiday with them. Whose idea was this in the first place?.

OpheliaNightingale · 26/04/2026 21:05

@FrogsAndFrogs doesn’t sound like much of a holiday for you. And it’s not breastfeeding that’s making you rage..

AuntChippy · 26/04/2026 21:07

Why on earth are you going away with in laws anyway?

Coldiron · 26/04/2026 21:07

I used to hide in my room when I went on holiday with my ex-in laws

WilfredsPies · 26/04/2026 22:03

I think you’d be mad to go. Holidays with other people only ever work out if you have broadly the same outlook on pretty much everything, or you’re all easy going enough to accept each other’s differences. Otherwise, it’s a bloody miserable experience. You could say that you can’t leave the business.

If you feel like you do have to go, then I’d make bloody sure I had my own room (rather than being stuck on a pull out couch or anything like that) and that I had a stash of snacks, drinks and books in there. And I’d be making lots of noises about the baby not feeling very well, so it’d probably be best if you take her for a lay down.

What you say to them depends very much on how important it is to you to keep the peace. If you really want to keep it, you could ask them what they think you should do, tell them you’ll have a serious think about that, and then carry on doing exactly what you were going to do. If you don’t really care about keeping the peace but just want to stay out of prison, perhaps a little bit of snapping would be a good thing? When they start, ask them how they saw this holiday going, and whether it included you picking up the DC, walking out and going home? Or you could just reply to everything with a ‘thanks for your input’. If they make any remarks about weight loss, then a hard stare and a ‘oh, we’re remarking on each other’s personal appearance now, are we?’ Or, every time they start, just say ‘excuse me’ with a smile and leave the room.

Why is your husband not telling his parents to shut up and mind their own business? Why is it all on you?

StephQ1 · 26/04/2026 22:31

Why on earth are you going on holiday with PIL? I wouldn’t entertain it under any circumstances.

Go with DH and DC. It’ll be far better.

JustGiveMeReason · 26/04/2026 22:50

Agree with everyone else.

The answer is not to go.

Why on earth would anyone agree to go on holiday with people who criticise them all the time ? Confused

Lemonbutters · 26/04/2026 22:52

Why are you going on holiday with them? I wouldn’t be!

LaurenBacal · 26/04/2026 22:53

Don’t go.

Calendulaaria · 26/04/2026 22:56

It sounds awful to be going away on holiday with them. The constant criticism will ruin your relationship with them completely. I remember overhearing my parents bitching to my MIL about how I was ruining my daughter by responding to her cries when she was a baby. Or my father refusing to lower his voice from full volume when she was napping as a baby, waking her up constantly. I never forgot it. It's such a vulnerable time. Can you not go?

mindutopia · 26/04/2026 23:15

If you’ve committed, go, grin and bear it, do some separate things as a family to get a break.

In the longer term, you need to disentangle yourself from your in laws. Most people are not this enmeshed with their ILs. I’ve never been on holiday with my MIL and Dh has never been on holiday with my mum. Except one time my mum came with us to a friends wedding for the night, stayed in a room in the same hotel and looked after dd in the evening so we could stay at the reception (we brought dd back after the wedding and put her to bed and my mum sat in the room with her til we came back about 10pm). Most people do not holiday with their families as adults. Put an end to that or Dh goes on his own if he loves it.

Don’t have them so in your business. I don’t mean your business that you work in, I mean your business. I don’t think my MIL could even tell you what I do for work, let alone be so enmeshed. She certainly doesn’t spend enough time around me to be making regular comments about my weight or anything else. Fine if you are super close and love them more than your own family. But you said they are judgemental and not very nice. Stop dragging them into your stuff. More distance. Dh does more solo with them if he must. You do less stuff with them in general.

Original poster
FrogsAndFrogs · 27/04/2026 20:33

mindutopia · 26/04/2026 23:15

If you’ve committed, go, grin and bear it, do some separate things as a family to get a break.

In the longer term, you need to disentangle yourself from your in laws. Most people are not this enmeshed with their ILs. I’ve never been on holiday with my MIL and Dh has never been on holiday with my mum. Except one time my mum came with us to a friends wedding for the night, stayed in a room in the same hotel and looked after dd in the evening so we could stay at the reception (we brought dd back after the wedding and put her to bed and my mum sat in the room with her til we came back about 10pm). Most people do not holiday with their families as adults. Put an end to that or Dh goes on his own if he loves it.

Don’t have them so in your business. I don’t mean your business that you work in, I mean your business. I don’t think my MIL could even tell you what I do for work, let alone be so enmeshed. She certainly doesn’t spend enough time around me to be making regular comments about my weight or anything else. Fine if you are super close and love them more than your own family. But you said they are judgemental and not very nice. Stop dragging them into your stuff. More distance. Dh does more solo with them if he must. You do less stuff with them in general.

Edited

This is such sound advice - I think you’re right that I really need to disentangle from them and it’s definitely giving an enmeshed vibe. I was quite close to them due to issues with my own family, so I think I’ve massively misplaced boundaries along the way.

I also don’t really want to go, but I suspect if I don’t it’ll be seen as a pointed decision or cause more drama, which I’m trying to avoid.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrogsAndFrogs · 27/04/2026 20:35

Thank you to you all for your replies - I feel validated and less like a crazy person! I’m going to be giving them a wide berth and making lots of excuses to get out of our accommodation with my toddler. And avoid any further holidays! Also really grateful for all the ideas of what to say back if they’re rude enough to mention weight etc!

OP posts:
Original poster
FrogsAndFrogs · 27/04/2026 20:36

Calendulaaria · 26/04/2026 22:56

It sounds awful to be going away on holiday with them. The constant criticism will ruin your relationship with them completely. I remember overhearing my parents bitching to my MIL about how I was ruining my daughter by responding to her cries when she was a baby. Or my father refusing to lower his voice from full volume when she was napping as a baby, waking her up constantly. I never forgot it. It's such a vulnerable time. Can you not go?

This sounds so rough - I’d been livid if I’d overheard that!

OP posts:
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