Controlling inlaw

[Zooperdooper]

My mother in law always has to be in control of what is happening in our lives. She has a key to our house and wants to come over when we aren't home to clean and do washing etc. I find it overbearing.. I dont need that kind of help. I would rather her come when we are home or offer to babysit her grandson. I have tried telling her this multiple times but she just speaks over me to the point I have to just agree with her.
Recently my husbands phone stopped working and she said she had a spare phone but isn't giving it to him because she is annoyed he doesn't visit her enough. We visit atleast once a week!
There is heaps of little things like this that are just eating at me and I dont know how to cope with it anymore.

What does your man think of his mothers behaviour towards he and in turn you?.

Get the locks changed as she is unlikely to give you the door key back. Do not be beholden to her for anything at all.

Both of you need to stand up to his mother and say no more to bring abused like you are. Have nothing more to do with her.

Controlling behaviour is abusive behaviour. If she is too toxic or difficult for you to deal with it’s the same deal for your child too. She is not emotionally safe enough to be around any of you.

Who gave her a key?.

I would also think that if you turned up at her house and let yourself in to clean it she’d have a hissy fit.

You need to talk to your DH and try to agree some boundaries first. I agree with PP that it's going to involve changing the locks and managing some difficult conversations.

My BF’s partner’s mum is like this, she doesn’t live with him so it’s not been such an issue, but it’s a bit 😵 when she lets herself in and they’re in bed etc 😵‍💫

What does DH say about it? If you enforce boundaries will he have your back? If not, you have a DH rather than a MIL problem.

Step 1. You lost your keys so had to change the lock. She doesn’t need a new key.

Get the key off her.

Your husband has to speak to her and ask for the keys back.

The pair of you sound like a crop of wet lettuces.

Take your key back and stop agreeing with her.

Change the locks on your door. Or get the key back.
You cannot have this level of intrusion. It is intolerable. You are not being allowed to manage your own home life between you.
You have to assert yourself with your hubby and with her. Ever so nicely. But do get it sorted. It is a challenge. You need to pick it up and sort it now or she will intrude on your life all the more if you don’t.

It will never change if you keep giving in. Put your foot down and have your DP do the same.

Stand up to her.
Take her key back.
Get dh a cheap phone.

Change the locks- keys can be copied.
People say "No' is a complete sentence. They're right. I hope you both realize that and start using it.

Why can’t he buy his own new phone!