How can we get our relationship back on track after 2nd baby?

[AttillaTheHan]

We had our second child a few weeks ago and have ds (4). I guess for the last year or so the romance and intimacy has not been there as much as I would have liked as we have been caught up in work, pregnancy, just being parents i guess.

Our relationship in general is good but i'm worried that if we dont make an effort now things will get to the point where we barely have any intimacy.At the moment my dh leaves for work before i get up. when he gets home i'm usually breastfeeding, we then have tea and put the kids to bed. I stay upstairs with dd bfeeding her till about 8.30 then i go to bed at 9ish as she gets up a lot in the night.
We just dont seem to have any time together at the moment and tbh even when we do sex is the last thing i feel like doing. i feel that before we get to the shagging stage we at least need to spend time together etc. we hardly ever hug or kiss anymore.
what can i do in the limited time we have together to improve things?
suggestions please...

anyone?

Couldn't you get anyone one to babysit one night, tell him that you are cooking him a meal and to be home on time.

set the mood candles music maybe? just so he knows you want to spend some time together to get closer together.

cuddle and kiss on the couch maybe get him in the mood. then take him upstairs.

i think if you get someone to babysit over night then you would have alot more time and you wouldn't have to rush so then you get more kissing and cuddling time.

Could anyone watch the baby and ds for you? Your parents, ILS, a neighbour or friend?

I think it's important to have couple time. Could you rent a DVD, prepare a nice meal or order in, have a glass of wine and just sit and talk about the two of you?

If possible maybe a day out together? A picnic? You could prepare bottles for baby so someone else can do the feed.

How about little lovely notes in his socks or drawer o lunch box telling him how much you love him and are looking forward to him coming home. Then have that glass of wine and chat and see how he feels about it all. You might both come up with an idea how to best have couple time.

Not sure of the answer, but wanted to reply. I have same age baby, who is a terrible sleeper. I made the decision to spend my evenings with DH, so that we feel a bit normal together, and then deal with the lack of sleep later. So I go to bed at the late evening feed (11ish), then try to catch up on sleep in the day. I think its really important to try to spend some relaxed time with DH, and its working well for us at the moment - although I am shattered! We don't put telly on, just go and sit somewhere quiet with a drink...

Good luck. As you know, it does get easier.

I think sometimes you have to accept that things aren't going to be 'normal' for a while

Kids are knackering, you only had a baby only a few weeks ago, you're bf...

I think as long as there's intimacy of some type don't worry. If this means aiming for a dinner at the table, once a week, with the dcs asleep, TV off, then that's good going...

Try not to forget the small things, like kissing before going to work, or when coming back from work

It does get better

I've only got the one DS so far, but having been through this after having him (and having been to marriage counselling - which was wonderful), I would say:

a) Don't give yourself a hard time about it. Of course you don't have much time for each other atm: your second baby is only a few weeks old. It will pass.

b) As soon as you're ready to leave LO, try and put one night a month on the calendar, and go out, one night a month where one of you cooks a special meal for the other, and one day a month where you go on a nice family day trip.

The second one is really helping us out, as we have three days a month where we're pretty much guarunteed to have a nice time.

HTH

Same as sagitta.

Thanks for replies. I'll get a dvd and stay up late tonight with a bottle of wine. i think you are right sagitta i've been prioritising sleep over spending time with dh.
its so hard to fit these things in easily with everything else. childcare etc always comes first.
the only thing is that i just want couple time to chat and cuddle etc whereas dh will probably read situation as shortcut to a shag. how do i make it clear without upsetting him or causing an argument?

Say quite clearly "I want to spend some quality time with you, but it might not be a short-cut to a shag"

Am sure he is a ware of how tiring it can be with a young dc and a new-born. You are sleep-deprived and bf. I think you are quite right to prioritise sleep over shagging, tbh!

A late night with a bottle of wine sounds good, though... maybe ypou ccan have a bit of a lie-in tommorow?

ask him to massage you a back rub always works.
Ask him to kiss you where you like to be kissed ask him can you do it properly tonight take our time as you want it to be nice.
Just make sure you have got time and that you are not in a rush...do things he enjoys to make it more pleasureable for both off you. Ask him does he want to play around first before gettin down to business