Am I wrong to keep my sister-in-law at arm's length?

[Ritilicious]

My sister in law started acting like best friends with me right from when I agreed to marry her brother. She was calling like every two days. I responded to her calls and saw it as goodwill. But she started giving me unsolicited advice and being critical of my choices. For example, she condemned my choice of wedding dress and became cold when I stuck to my choice. She later opened up. I also overheard her talking about me with her mom. This made me withdraw from her. My husband says she has no bad intentions and I am holding on to a grudge. Am I the asshole in not wanting a close bond with her. I do not like her personality. But I am civil with her.

Sounds like a personality clash, where she tried too hard to start with and is either tactless or domineering.

Nothing wrong in not being close with her, just be civil at family occasions. Doesn't have to be a big problem unless you all live together or something.

I wouldn't bring up your grievances about her with your dh too much - you've said your piece. Is someone trying to make you spend lots of time with her?

Your husband is somewhat of a wet lettuce when it comes to his sister (and in turn his mother who she gossiped to) because he does not want to get involved or rock the boat.

He’s grown up with her and his inertia when it comed ti her hurts him as well as youI would stay well away from his sister in particular going forward also because you would not tolerate that from a friend.

We don't live together but my husband wants me to develop a closer relationship with her.

Sounds like she’s a sticky beak, involving herself and poking her beak into your situation … I’d be drawing boundaries now because it’s harder to draw them later

Tell him to butt out. He doesn't get to choose your friends.

Being pleasant/civil is a reasonable ask.
Being bezzies is not.