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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Anxiety off the scale

4 replies

Drummmum · 23/04/2026 22:14

Don’t know if I’m doing this right but I desperately need to tell someone, anyone what’s happening to me. My heart is racing, can barely catch my breath and can’t stop thinking about ending it all.
My husband is driving my son and I to despair. Last night he spiraled into a rage, no physical violence but hours of shouting, stomping and not listening to anything either of us said. In recent years my life has become centred on managing him, for the sake of our 14yr old, and trying to keep in check his increasingly aggressive behaviour especially towards local politicians and others in authority, people I - in my professional role - have to work with. It’s beyond rational. Im constantly on edge, worrying what he’s said and done now. The anxiety build up in me is more than I can take. Tonight my heart is racing, tension all over and I can barely string two words together. I am almost certain i have depression but the thought of raising this with a doctor is too much - the shame is overwhelming, and staring this head on will mean I lose my job (the only thing that makes me feel any worth) and then I will have no way to support myself. Overs the years to keep the peace I’ve drifted from anyone who might have been a friend and have no one. And he controls all the money. I know this is all wrong and am so ashamed ive let it get this bad, but I just need him to find the rational, caring person he used to be. How can I bring him back?
And the thought of what this is doing to my son fills me with horror and disgust.
feel like my life is being extinguished slowly and tbh right now if it wasn’t for my son I’d gladly welcome the end

OP posts:
TheAvidWriter · 23/04/2026 22:36

OP you are not going to rationalise with him now or ever.
If he has been like this for years whatever you say will hardly have the outcome you are after.

He gets something out of his outbursts and bullying or he would control himself around you. Would be interesting to know if he is like this around everyone, or just at home. You will need to take control over your finances. And then leave this bully. No amount of advise will ever change what has already happened, and is happening as it sounds like the respect he has for himself, and your child, or you, is gone. I feel for your DS, he has no choice but to live under this constant pressure. Remember this is a marriage, not ownership for life or ever. your DH does not own you, and you are free to leave. Take steps to leave. whatever you do, do not let your DH know your that though. But talking to him is not going to mend anything at this point.

TheAvidWriter · 23/04/2026 22:42

OP ending your life is not the answer here. Your son needs you. Leaving such a man will be a lot easier than living with him. You will find that everything you are experiencing now while living under this monstrosity will lessen if not fade altogether if you just leave.

I left and I felt like you do now. Its coercive control and the police takes this really seriously. This is emotional, financial and coercive control, and its been breaking you and only you can put a stop to it. But you may want to call womans aid in your area, there is no shame in that. But your son needs his mum and you sound down trodden so get that help.

Endofyear · 23/04/2026 22:45

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds terrible and your poor son needs you so please do go and speak to your doctor about how you're feeling. You need help and there's absolutely no shame in that. You won't lose your job from being treated for depression. It's extremely common, it's an illness and it is treatable.

The difficult thing you have to face is that you need to leave this man. Things are not going to get better and you are not going to get well until you are away from him. Your son also desperately needs this - it is so damaging for children to live in an abusive household.

Do you have any family support? You need to confide in someone, you cannot continue to carry this alone.

You can call Samaritans for support and they can signpost you to other agencies who can help you. https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/

You can also call Women's Aid for advice and support https://womensaid.org.uk/

Or the National Domestic Abuse Helpline
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

Please do reach out for help. You and your son deserve to live in peace and safety 💐

How we can help

How we can help

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/

itsnotalwaysthateasy · 24/04/2026 23:49

You and your son need to get away from him. It sounds like he has serious issues.
Please get your ducks in a row and leave as soon as you feel able.
@endofyear gives practical advice...and I urge you to follow it. If only it is for your son.
I am behind you in hoping you can manage to change his life.

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