No gift.

[RQC2012]

Am I wrong for expecting a gift on my birthday (Feb 29) After giving all of my friends gifts on every holiday?
I reminded them constantly but made sure they knew they didn't have to despite wanting one.
I thought that I would at least get some sort of mall candy but no one even said happy birthday until i reminded them.
Did i do something wrong?
One friend said that they would get me one tomorrow yet here we are 3 months later.

How old are you?

Do you give to receive?

That’s a lot of reminders you’ve given.

Why are you reminding people constantly that’s it’s your birthday ? That’s very weird and probably why you didn’t get anything.

OP totally get you, of course its normal to want it. Here is what i feel you need to do going forward, do not expect something if you are telling them they dont have to etc. It is clear you want to receive something, so when you tell those who you feel are your friends not to bother, then of course that is what is going to happen especially if you tell them they do not need to go into any efforts.

Perhaps you should not go into much efforts if these friends cannot even remember your birthday. People are busy I get that, but if they care about you then this is something they will want to remember.

But.. there wasn't a Feb 29th this year, was there?

Depends, I've gone through stages where I give particular friends small gifts to just a card to just texts and back again, depending on circumstances.

Match energy with your friends.

Do they give each other gifts?

😂 true

Maybe you'll have more luck in 2028?

The good thing about having a birthday early in the year is you can match people's energy, try that from now on and you'll probably feel less resentful next time your birthday rolls round.

Good grief @RQC2012 , assuming you are an adult, if someone constantly reminded me that it was their birthday I would be more likely not to acknowledge it. Children counting down the days and reminding people it is their birthday is more acceptable, and still annoying.

Try having your birthday on New Year's Day and you will be less precious about it.

Did you have a party? Went out for lunch/dinner, or invited people over for your birthday? - in this case, showing up without a gift is strange...
But otherwise - other than a text, or a phone call - not sure why you'd expect people need to do something. Especially if you explicitly said - don't.

It's passive-aggressive a bit to say - I don't want anything, while secretly wanting something - and, moreover, judging people for not going against what you told them to do...

Do your friends give gifts a lot, just not to you? If so YANBU at all and it sounds quite hurtful. Would suggest considering getting different friends who don't treat you as second tier.

But if you are the only gift giver in the group my advice is the opposite. And here's my anecdote on why:

I have a friend who gives gifts All The Time for all sorts of holidays and celebration. I find it tiresome and a bit needy, to be honest. When I first knew her it really bugged me and I didn't get her anything almost deliberately because I really didn't want to encourage her.

We've become much closer and I like her a lot and understand her more now so go out of my way to remember to get her something for her birthday and if I go away. But it's really not what I do for other friends and I would still far rather we didn't exchange gifts. If she wasn't such a good friend I just wouldn't do it.

If you are out on a limb culturally, YABU to expect everyone else to conform to your way of doing things. Some might, but you can't expect it and it really doesn't mean anything particularly bad about how they view you if they don't.

A) it’s not a leap year.

B) it’s not three months later (from the 28th Feb), it’s now not even 8 weeks later.

C) this is your first post here. Are you one of the bots that apparently ‘don’t post on Mumsnet’?

🤣

I disagree that you come across as a "give to recieve" type of person, one can be generous but the lack of reciprocation is just hard to ignore. Getting gifts from you but giving you none seems a bit strange on their part. Could it be that after all those times you've told them they don't have to get you anything that's exactly what they took out of this? Still, a card or a simple Smartshow 3d birthday video would be a nice gesture and they decided to skip that too... Are you sure they are friends with you just as much as you are a friend to them?

Yes, but we celebrate on March 1st or feb 28th.

Depends how old you are. 🤷‍♀️

Did you organise anything and invite people over for your birthday?

If not it would only be VERY good friends/family who would make the effort to get you a gift and bring it round uninvited.

That’s a bit much, all the reminders, saying you don’t need a gift, 3 months later stressing about a gift. Bit weird too.