Unsure how to feel about a bi-curious FWB with an age gap

[YourCosyPino]

I’m a woman in my late 20s who has known a close female family friend in her early 50s for years.

During a recent wedding trip, after drinks and a conversation about dating and being bi-curious, she initiated a sexual encounter with me, which I reciprocated and found physically pleasurable, though surprising.

The next day, we didn’t really discuss it. Last night, she brought it up again and expressed interest in having a regular FWB with me. I think she is being respectful.

Now I’m processing the experience, feeling surprised and curious, and wondering both how I feel about continuing and how others might view a bi-curious FWB situation with a significant age gap?

Do you want to? Are either of you hurting or betraying anyone else? If the answers are yes and no then I don’t see why there is any issue. You’re old enough to know what you want and she certainly is. Tread carefully with a family friend, make sure you treat her respectfully and honestly especially when it comes to an end, but otherwise enjoy yourself.

you say family friend is she a friend of yours or your parents? If she was just an acquaintance I’d say go for it but if she’s your parents friend I’d stay clear.

I became bi-curious and I am comfortable with her. She has been very caring and nice ever since I have known her. She is not relative or parents' friend. Just happen to be a childhood friend's friend/ neighbour.

She is not like family friend or parents friend.

I don’t think that the bi issue or the close friend thing is key here - but rather the age gap. In the beginning I found the age gap exciting and taboo then it gave me the ick both physically and in the lack of shared cultural references.

An age gap certainly isn't an issue for a fwb situation if you both fancy each other. Do you feel there's any power imbalance because of the gap or how you know each other?

Sexuality... are you on the same page about how 'out' you will be about this (both with regards to casual sex and being bi) it can cause issues when one person wants something discrete and the other is fine with public displays of affection or may be inclined to tell other people, especially as your social circles overlap to a degree.

Some other things to consider.... What are your thoughts on fwb type situations in general? Are you able to have sex without getting emotionally attached? Does a fwb fit in with both of your life/ relationship goals at the moment?
Do your expectations of fwb match hers? How often you see each other, how much emphasis is on the 'friends' bit, or would it just be sex? Are you both ok with the other seeing other fwb or might one of you expect exclusivity?

She wants to do 2-3 times per week until one of us find the BF. Then, we are going to remain as friends.
Tbh, I have never done FWB arrangement with anyone else so, it is my first time. so, I don't have any high hopes, emotional attachments or any expectations for the relationship.

Rather than being frustrated by dating experiences and miss being loved, sexual encounter, if curious enough for both parties, I think it is ok to have it while we can. My only concern was to do with how others will perceive us if they found out about it with significant age gap.

Both of us have been only on straight relationships and in a stage becoming curious with women for the first time.

No. Definitely not. Would you have a FWB man twice your age?

My first comment was no way. Second comment, same.

So she know you when you were a child? Thats creepy af.

I wouldn't like the fact she knew me as a child. Same if it was a man.

Ultimately, only you know whether you feel comfortable with this. From the outside, I’m sharing others’ discomfort with the age gap, particularly given she’s known you since childhood. It’s unclear whether you are actually sexually attracted to her. Also, seeing each other 2-3 times a week seems pretty intense for FWB. It seems to me there is a strong possibility of her developing feelings for you which doesn’t seem to be what you have in mind. But we’re all strangers in your phone. Things can sound wrong on paper and work v well in real life (and vice versa). That said, the fact you’ve posted here suggests you’re also uncomfortable with the age gap and, if so, that suggests this isn’t for you.

3 times a week is pretty frequent for a FWB. Are you sure she isn’t after a relationship?

Age aside, 2-3 times per week is a lot for FWB. This alone makes me think she feel more and it will become more intense that you’re expecting. I’d move on.

2-3 times a week is loads. No way would I agree to that

I also wouldn’t assume you could return to being friends afterwards, if you went ahead with this, especially if one or both of you decide to continue to pursue same sex relationships. There are quite regular posts on here about FWB arrangements which have gone wrong because one or other person has developed feelings.

see the age gap police are out in force again.

A fwb is supposed to be less intense than dating, 2-3 times a week is way too much! How on earth you either of you meet anyone else if you spend all your free time with your fwb?

I'd be put off by someone wanting that level of contact early on in any relationship/ situation. The fact they can even fit that in suggests they don't have much else going on in their life which in turn makes me think they could become too invested and clingy. The fact they suggested it makes me think they are actually looking for more than fwb.

Often with these sorts of posts it turns out to be a bloke writing with one hand.

But assuming it's not, no you absolutely should not meet someone 30 years older, who's known you since you were a child, 3 times a week for lesbian sex when you're looking for a boyfriend

The older woman sounds creepy and predatory to me.

No issue with having bi curious FWB (as long as all parties are clear with each other about it is/not expecting a relationship etc) but the gap is a bit yucky and I would say that for a pairing of any combination of the sexes. It’s also a bit dodgy that she’s known you since you were younger.

Why are you bothered what others think? Crack on

@swissrollisntswiss I agree 2-3 times per week sounds a lot.

@PauliesWalnuts No, she is not after a relationship. She told me that her libido is through the roof at the moment so, she wanted to do more regularly.

After hearing the thoughts on this thread, I have decided not to do FWB arrangement with her.
I was also concerning about the age gap, frequency and the fact that I have known her since I was a kid was kind of put me off inside of me. And that was my concern before I ask for this thread.
I genuinely didn't have anyone to ask around on this and didn't want to ask friends as some of them know her well as well. Having said that none of our friends have any troubles or issues with her personally.
Thanks for all of the valuable thoughts here.