Ending few friendships at once

Kfor · 2026-04-23T15:52:58+00:00

Has anyone ever had a year or months in life, when many frtiendships, family realtionships ended within a short period of time? I guess I am kind of a reason, as I was silent about many things - but started to suddenly speak up about things that hurt (family) or things I didn't agree with (freinds) or just realised some relationships were one sided for years. I am a natural giver (I was always there in regards of listening and time), but suddenly I realised it is not working for me.. Maybe it is to do with the age ( I turned 45). So now I am here - starting with a bit of blank page 😅

itsnotalwaysthateasy · 23/04/2026 21:59

It's a common fact that when you start to speak how you feel, then people go running. Especially if you have been the person to make the effort and go along with things...whether they were right or not.

I would congratulate you for speaking up and getting rid of the dead wood that probably wasn't enhancing your life. You have taken a huge step in looking after yourself.

Go on to find lovely friends, now that you have found yourself.

Original poster

Kfor · 24/04/2026 17:32

itsnotalwaysthateasy · 23/04/2026 21:59

It's a common fact that when you start to speak how you feel, then people go running. Especially if you have been the person to make the effort and go along with things...whether they were right or not.

I would congratulate you for speaking up and getting rid of the dead wood that probably wasn't enhancing your life. You have taken a huge step in looking after yourself.

Go on to find lovely friends, now that you have found yourself.

Thank you fir the lovely words of encouregement♥️

OP posts:

Spingsumma · 24/04/2026 21:06

I was massively sociable in my 20s and made a lot of friends. I am now late 30s and feel for the best part of a decade I’ve increasingly had to let go of friendships where I finally realised that I was just seen as “useful” rather than loved and valued.

I was checking in on others and they weren’t checking in on me. I was showing up for others, more often than not they weren’t showing up for me. I was expected to remember certain friends kids birthdays and attend their kids party’s, but they couldn’t even remember to call or text me on my birthday despite knowing I live alone.

I stopped speaking to a whole load of people from cousins and immediate family to childhood friends as well as others . Not ALL at once, it’s unfolded over the last decade but yeah sometimes I did lose multiple friends within a short space of time. No regrets.

For me it wasn’t even always that I spoke up, in many cases I just stepped back from being the one maintaining the friendship/relationship and then it would end as they didn’t bother to keep in contact.

Well done for speaking up OP. It’s better to have fewer higher quality relationships in your life than just continue to let people treat you as less than. Just focus on and value the people in your life who do make an effort to treat you well.

EmeraldRoulette · 24/04/2026 22:25

From the title, I thought you meant that you had ended the friendships , like a few in one go

Obviously not

I'm just curious, the disagreements with friends, was that about personal stuff?

MudRitual · 24/04/2026 23:06

Well, if you stop people-pleasing, that’s going to cause a significant recalibration.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 25/04/2026 01:01

Been there

Be brave and do it xx

Original poster

Kfor · 25/04/2026 09:07

EmeraldRoulette · 24/04/2026 22:25

From the title, I thought you meant that you had ended the friendships , like a few in one go

Obviously not

I'm just curious, the disagreements with friends, was that about personal stuff?

Yes sorry, wasn't a clear title, it was a process of several months. Not really personal staff, just different views on life, different levels of engagement

OP posts:

Original poster

Kfor · 25/04/2026 09:12

Spingsumma · 24/04/2026 21:06

I was massively sociable in my 20s and made a lot of friends. I am now late 30s and feel for the best part of a decade I’ve increasingly had to let go of friendships where I finally realised that I was just seen as “useful” rather than loved and valued.

I was checking in on others and they weren’t checking in on me. I was showing up for others, more often than not they weren’t showing up for me. I was expected to remember certain friends kids birthdays and attend their kids party’s, but they couldn’t even remember to call or text me on my birthday despite knowing I live alone.

I stopped speaking to a whole load of people from cousins and immediate family to childhood friends as well as others . Not ALL at once, it’s unfolded over the last decade but yeah sometimes I did lose multiple friends within a short space of time. No regrets.

For me it wasn’t even always that I spoke up, in many cases I just stepped back from being the one maintaining the friendship/relationship and then it would end as they didn’t bother to keep in contact.

Well done for speaking up OP. It’s better to have fewer higher quality relationships in your life than just continue to let people treat you as less than. Just focus on and value the people in your life who do make an effort to treat you well.

Yes in sone cases it was just stepping back often not even noticed by the other, or changing my style, or just stop being an " emotional support" . If you change your role they may not need you or engage on the same level. The rest was just giving my honest oppinion instead of nodding😄(that was funny actually as it can be a shock for the other person)
Well done for you too! strangely once I ended these new ones, very different, new, nice ones appeared♥️

OP posts:

MudRitual · 25/04/2026 09:19

Kfor · 25/04/2026 09:12

Yes in sone cases it was just stepping back often not even noticed by the other, or changing my style, or just stop being an " emotional support" . If you change your role they may not need you or engage on the same level. The rest was just giving my honest oppinion instead of nodding😄(that was funny actually as it can be a shock for the other person)
Well done for you too! strangely once I ended these new ones, very different, new, nice ones appeared♥️

Edited

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Exactly. Being your authentic self rather than a human support animal will always bring you better friendships. Good for you.

LoyalMember · 25/04/2026 20:42

Last March I parted ways with a friend after 45 years, and last June a workmate left who I'd known for 12 years and I've cut contact with him as well. They had to finish, and I'm glad they did. I won't speak to either of them again.

Edit: Tidying punctuation.

hockeysticks89 · 25/04/2026 20:47

I can so relate. After years of me making someone close a priority when they only saw me as an option, I started putting more energy into other more equal friendships and it was liberating. Former friend was hugely miffed though! not because she wanted me but it turns out she liked having me as a back up

elmtreeyellow · 26/04/2026 11:43

I think in my 40s im way more sure of myself now than I was in my 30s. I dont want to be a walking cliché, but its like something changed in me and my tolerance levels. I left my husband when I was 41. Tbf this was a long time coming but I chose peace and it was the best decision.

With friendships I also realised that many weren't healthy, others weren't there for me the same way id supported them over the years and I naturally stepped away. They didn't reach out and time created more distance, but in a way that worked better as there was no confrontation, I just accepted that they weren't friends that deserved me after the inbalance in everything Id helped them with over the years.

Its a bit of a limbo and lonely place right now but im all for the view that better things are coming, as it can't be much worse!

Don't settle, men, friends... anything. Trust your gut, be kind but step away from people who dont match your energy xx