I met a woman and we connected really well. At the beginning, I told her I was only looking for something casual because I was moving abroad. She said she understood, although later she admitted that it had hurt her.
We kept talking almost every day for 6 months, and the dynamic started to feel like a relationship: she would tell me she missed me, that she was waiting for me, that she wanted me only for herself, etc. But her actions confused me. On one hand, she treated me like someone special; on the other, she posted very suggestive/erotic content on social media.
I brought up the photos, not because I wanted to control her, but because it confused me that we were treating each other almost like a couple while she was presenting herself as available to others. I even suggested an open relationship, but she said she doesn’t like sharing.
When I asked her directly what she wanted, she said, “You know what I want.” But when I suggested trying something more serious, she replied, “let’s see how it goes.” I took that as a no and started to pull back emotionally.
Two weeks before returning to my country, she told me she missed me. I replied that we would see each other soon, but she didn’t ask for a date or anything, even though she knew I was coming back in March. When I came back, I tried to see her, but on the day of the date, she neither confirmed nor canceled. I felt stood up, removed her from social media, and she blocked me on Instagram within 10 minutes, so it seemed like she was paying attention. Still, she didn’t block me on WhatsApp.
A month later, I contacted her on WhatsApp. She said she did want to see me, but when I asked whether she missed me, she avoided the topic. A week later, she had surgery to remove a breast lump and is now waiting for the results because it could be cancer. At first, it was hard for me to believe because of everything that had happened before, but I confirmed that it’s true.
It[s been a week since then, and I don’t know how to bring up the topic again, or whether I even should, because I don’t want to pressure her at such a delicate time. But at the same time, the anxiety is eating me up. If she doesn’t want anything with me, I’d rather accept it and walk away for good. I also don’t want to stay in a place where maybe she has already pushed me away, just without saying it clearly.
How would you interpret this mix of interest, ambiguity, and distance? Should I ask her directly what’s going on between us right now, wait a bit longer because of her health situation, or take distance and let her approach me if she wants to?