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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My Brother's abuser wont let him see his daughter

11 replies

PhysioDream123 · 21/04/2026 23:22

My brother, in his 50's, has been locked out the house and his wife will not allow him to gather any clothing or items or see his daughter or she will call the police. His wife is mentally abusive, recently tried to pour boiling water over him but fed a lie that she tried to do it for her own safety. My brother is a sweet man but has now lost so much confidence and is so low due to years of her abusive behaviour towards him. I am happy that hopefully this will be the end of the relationship but I know she will make it so difficult for him to see his daughter. He is a very broken man and I actually worry he may hurt himself. Does anyone have any advice (legal especially) to help him so he has access to his daughter. He is currently staying between me and my parents house with no belongings of his own. He does not want to go over to his house as he worries what she might do or that she will call the police and spin some lies. He doesnt want anything from her or to be in the house, just to be able to see his daughter and get his belongings.

OP posts:
Original poster
PhysioDream123 · 21/04/2026 23:25

Sorry couldn't edit the title

OP posts:
CharlieEffie · 21/04/2026 23:26

If i was him i would be calling the police amd asking them to attend with him so hr can get his stuff. Thsn she cant refuse or lie about what happens. He will likely have to get a court order for access

alexdgr8 · 21/04/2026 23:27

He needs to see a solicitor.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 21/04/2026 23:31

How do you know that she is lying about her own safety concerns?

Not saying that she is or that she isn't, just wondering how you are so sure.

LemonTreeGrove · 21/04/2026 23:33

That's sad. My mum was the abuser in our family and my dad and me were her victims so I believe you as I know this happens.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 21/04/2026 23:36

LemonTreeGrove · 21/04/2026 23:33

That's sad. My mum was the abuser in our family and my dad and me were her victims so I believe you as I know this happens.

I also believe that it happens. I know a very lovely elderly gentleman who was abused by his wife for many years before he plucked up the courage to leave.

But the wife in this situation has also made allegations, so it's hard to know exactly what is actually going on.

INeedAnotherName · 21/04/2026 23:41

Agree with pp. He asks the police to help him gain access for his belongings. Or would she allow you/parents to pick up his things?

Court for access to the child depending on how old she is. If she's 11yrs upwards she gets a say.

Original poster
PhysioDream123 · 21/04/2026 23:54

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 21/04/2026 23:31

How do you know that she is lying about her own safety concerns?

Not saying that she is or that she isn't, just wondering how you are so sure.

Wjy is it when a woman is being abused everyone believes them straight away, but if its a man there doubt! This is why he has never left, due to the shame he has felt from it. I know because me, my family and even my friends have witnessed it. I have caught her out in her lies and she's even horrible to me, saying horrible stuff about the way I look and my children. We have listened to her on the phone to him, scream at him, say the most disgusting things to him. She also tells her daughter how useless Daddy is and pulls him apart in front of their daughter. She is evil but anytime you stand up to her she makes your life hell. I stood upto her once and she then told all her family an absolute lie about the whole situation. I found out from her sister when I bumped into her. Her own family are even scared of her and won't stand up to her.

OP posts:
sundaysurfing · 22/04/2026 00:27

I recently supported a man who had an abusive ex. Throughout their relationship, she was being controlling and abusive and she ended up attacking him. This is what helped him to get her arrested and also get full custody of the child: He reported everything to the police, So there were historical logs. He was also supported by a domestic abuse charity, so he had the supporting letter as evidence from them. He also used to film every single interaction with her and he would record every phone call and keep note of all abusive messages.

If he does all of that, And ask the police to visit along with him to get his belongings, He has a much better chance of avoiding her force allegations, but also having her held accountable for her abuse.

Women can most definitely be just as bad as men. She was a vile monster. She won’t be getting her child back full-time. The kid is happier and the father is over the moon that he has his son and can raise him in a happy healthy home.

He must definitely need to get the C100 form in to get the court order for access.

BerryTwister · 22/04/2026 00:31

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 21/04/2026 23:31

How do you know that she is lying about her own safety concerns?

Not saying that she is or that she isn't, just wondering how you are so sure.

@MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack would you ask that question if OP was talking about a sister instead of a brother?

rwalker · 22/04/2026 00:35

He needs proper advice from male domestic abuse services

but tread extremely carefully she has the trump card she can make anything up about him and she will be believed

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