Ex posted forms without asking

[JustAloeVera]

I recently needed to change address on my child’s bank account. It’s a shared account with both mine and my ex husband’s names attached. It’s quite an old account and I had been into branch to try and resolve it. The branch had given me paper forms to fill in and sign which I then was going to return in branch where they would take copies of my id and send on the form.

Forms were sent with child (teen) to dads for him to sign. He has then taken it upon himself to post them to the bank.

He & I do not have a good relationship. Communication with him is limited and he will only respond to messages when he feels like it. He send an email to let me know he’d posted the forms. I’m perimenopausal and the rage I felt when reading his email was white hot. However I’ve been calm and haven’t responded. But do I respond asking him to just do what I’ve asked in future or do I just ignore and seethe over it?

And how do I stop him annoying me so much? I’m not on HRT yet but maybe that’d help.

Just ignore him. He likely wants a reaction. Don't give in.

If you need to sign the forms as well just go and do it at the bank.

The only way to win this sort of game is not to play.
He's a dick, he won’t change.
Pour yourself a chilled glass of vino and make a plan to go to the bank.
They'll be eye rolling at him at the bank.

Thanks. I know I should ignore (and will) but it’s the frustration of him taking over something that I was dealing with.

I had already signed the forms so if I were being charitable I could say he thought he was doing me a favour. But I had asked for them back. Urgh 4 years separated and he still winds me up.

How did he know what you wanted him to do?

The teen was with me at the bank and I asked them to get the form signed by their dad then bring them back so I could go back to the bank. So yes there is a possibility that this was miscommunicated.

Part of your reaction falls into the camp of ‘he’s breathing in an annoying way!’.
I have such a history with DM, that her every word feels calculated as a massive criticism of me.
She could comment on the weather, and I’d assume that she was criticising my clothes.

I have had to unlearn a lot of conditioning in order to accept her words and behaviour at face value rather than a premeditated attack!

You may be in the same position with him. He isn’t necessarily trying to annoy you.

Perhaps it is that PPP. But he has history for refusing to communicate and as I think I said previously will only reply when he sees fit to. I have sent him messages in the past about things to do with the teen (when they’ve been ill or had an issue with something that I think he should know about) and haven’t got so much as an acknowledgment so I have to assume that he’s read them.

If you have any tips on how to unlearn my reactions I’d like to know them.

Let's imagine he did do it to piss you off, his efforts have actually saved you a job!

Reframe the narrative to yourself.

In trying to be a dick, he's actually done you a favour 😉

It was a revelation to me that I had this knee jerk reaction to her. It was checking in with friends in an AIBU kind of way that made me realise.

So your ex is undoubtedly the arsehole you think he is, but he probably doesn’t lie awake at night wondering how to annoy you!

I find it works for me to assume she isn’t being annoying, take it superficially and ignore any possibly pass agg comments. Failing to be annoyed is frustrating as hell to someone who’s trying to wind you up.

💐