Any advice on tips to bear in mind when choosing a therapist?

[Squarehairbear]

This is following on from another thread I started (about experiences marriage counselling) where I got some very helpful advice including considering individual counselling / therapy for myself. I've had a look at local BACP counsellors but it's only now dawning on me how important it is to find the right person. A lot of them list the areas that specialise in, which is helpful but I'm wondering what else it's important to consider. I'm particularly thinking about individual therapy here but I'd also be interested in the same question in the context of marriage therapy.

I find myself looking at the pictures and thinking who do I like the look of / who looks approachable and friendly - probably not the right basis for choosing a good therapist! So, for example, would it be appropriate to consider age? A lot of the profiles show younger therapists. I'm in my late 40s and wondering if some of what I'm feeling is hormone-related or just general-life-stage-related - would it be helpful to find someone older who has already been through that or is that not really how therapy works? Also, my instinct is to pick a female therapist for myself - I don't really know why though, maybe just familiarity, would be interested in whether other women feel the same?

I can only say what I looked at when searching for a therapist. So take this with a pinch of salt?!

1. are the registered with at least one of the professional bodies.
2. are they dbs covered.
3. qualifications and can they be verified in someways eg not some one hour workshop from Facebook type qualification.
4. experience - not just in life (but he’s life experience/age) but how long have they been practicing.
5. where do they practice - from home (nope for me) or from an office. You may prefer telehealth.
6. does the office have other person present on site at all times you may potentially be there. Eg receptionist.
7. male or female
8. transport - how to get there, may not feel up to driving, parking.
9. do they practice at times that you can attend.
10. cost.
11. specialities they treat.
12. type of therapy they offer.
13. any client reviews or endorsements from other therapists. when I ‘chose’ mine, we had a telephone chat first in which I could ask questions, such as about their morales, ethics, boundaries (they go both ways imo) etc. So by the time we met f2f it was just a question of listening to my gut instinct. Even then I had questions such as how long could I attend as a client/cancellation/extra sessions etc etc.

You need to find someone who fits in with your approach. Interview such people carefully and at length before choosing any particular one. Treat this with the seriousness you would give to a job interview.

I think all @Alphabet1spaghetti2 ’s questions are good (though I’ve almost never myself seen a therapist anywhere with a receptionist). I think you’re absolutely right to consider age — if you want a woman of forty plus, choose that. I certainly took age into consideration last time I was seeking a therapist, and discounted quite a few people on grounds of age, and the only time I had an initial session either a man (highly qualified, experienced etc) , I disliked him so much that I never went back).

Due diligence is great, but if you’re not feeling a connection in person, don’t overlook that just because they ticked all the boxes.

Exactly. Sometimes it just doesn’t work, and it’s no one’s fault.

The research shows that the most important element of therapy is the relationship between the therapist and client. In order for change to occur, clients need to feel psychologically safe enough to talk about difficult things, take relational risks, to accept being challenged by their therapist (and to sometimes challenge them right back!). I am a therapist and we always put our photo on our website/ profile as we know clients do often choose us because of how we look, and there isn't anything necessarily wrong with that- if someone looks at me and thinks, she looks like someone I could open up to, then that's a valid enough reason. Having said that, most of my referrals come via recommendation from my other clients, so it's also worth asking around in your friendship group (if you feel able).

I think you’re only going to know when you try them out. I’ve had several. One of them is totally amazing becuase I really click witb her.

I had another one who was also very very good.

The others have ranged from petty good to terrible.

i‘d say that the one I like best is very highly educated and a similarish age (but a few years older) and that is the type of person I am most likely to click with. So have a think about the types of people you tend to find instant connection with.

This is all very helpful indeed - thank you!

You need to look at what sort of therapy they are offering and if they specialise in your issue.

You might click with your therapist but you are hoping for therapy and the safety to change not a sympathetic venting session.

I've had a few therapists over the years and oddly the best was one I didn't like at all but goodness he made me work hard.

@AnnaMagnani thank you - yes, you've put your finger on it. I'm looking for someone who will help me see things objectively and I wonder if my instinct is to go for safe/kind, which might not actually get me anywhere beyond a bit of short-term comfort. Then again, someone too harsh would I think risk seriously damaging my confidence. Quick background from the other thread is that things are not great in my marriage and I want to address everything I can from my side i.e. be honest with myself about the ways I am contributing to the problems but also develop confidence in my own feelings about the things that DH is doing that are genuinely not ok. And then work out what I can/can't live with!

I hadn't really thought about an intro chat but from what everyone has said, it sounds as if the best thing is to arrange a chat, explain what I'm looking for, and see if I feel after the chat that the therapist will be the right person to help with that.