I am desperately worried about my sister who is about to give birth.
Several years ago she moved abroad for a new job, and her then-relationship didn't survive the move. Very soon after, she got together with a colleague. The first time I met him, my gut told me something was wrong - and in the months that followed, I wasn't reassured as she always seemed so insecure around him. To cut a long story short, they had a very on-off relationship for 18 months or so until it imploded last summer when she discovered that he had been living a completely double life, with another partner. He had lied to her about everything, and there were elements of his deceit that were so beyond the bounds of 'normal' behaviour - stealing money from her (and later, I realised, from me), setting up a fake email address pretending to be a landlord of a flat they had viewed together to which she sent her personal documents in good faith, and more.
The man is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict (he's been in recovery for 5 years) and, I believe, a narcissist. When the relationship imploded it seemed so definitively over - she told me in her own words that there were so many red flags, he was psychopathic, had no moral compass, etc. I felt she was finally free. This coincided with her buying a flat - again, a new start.
Several weeks after this, she discovered she was pregnant. She has returned to him as if nothing had ever happened. They are living together in her new flat, he is unemployed (having left his job at the place they both worked under some sort of cloud). To a certain extent, he is now financially dependent on her. I am utterly devastated that my beautiful, funny, clever, creative sister has taken him back when he has abused her trust so badly and when she herself had identified such serious red flags. Others say she appears 'under his spell'. She seems separated from her good instincts, tense, distant. I grieve the loss of my carefree, silly, funny, sister.
I know that statistics show that women often return to their abusers. I know that she desperately wanted children and felt that time was running out. I know she probably felt that having a child with him was easier than doing it alone (especially living overseas, with no family nearby). I know pregnancy is an incredibly vulnerable time. I also recognise that I have had it 'easy' - a loving husband, 3 wonderful children, so it must be hard to compare herself to me and she is a very determined person so is desperately trying to 'make it work'.
But I am so worried for her and the child. I feel the odds are, given his track record, that the relationship won't last, and there is more pain ahead for her. At the same time, I worry - do I have to accept this man in order to maintain a relationship with my sister?