Still keeping my ex wife's number and questioning why

[MichBarr]

I have been with my partner for over 3 years and we have had a LOT to deal with throughout our time together. She is my rock and I know that I love her very much. BUT

I haven't yet deleted my ex wife's number from my phone! What makes it weird is she was a Narcissist, was violent at times and left me very suddenly to move in with another woman, no warning whatsoever. I was massively traumatized by that and had a breakdown of sorts. We were together for 8 years and I am aware that I became the co dependent in the marriage. She is known to go back to her ex's when things don't work out with current partners and I've often wondered what I would do if she turned up on my doorstep. The truth is I really don't know for absolute certainty that I would turn her away! That's insane! Wtf is wrong with me??

Look up trauma bonds.

Well, I for one would keep her in my phone in case she pops up and starts trying to hoover you back up. I’d want to keep tabs on her rather than blocking her and having her ring from withheld numbers. I have someone I am NC with and they are not deleted or blocked anywhere. If they contact me, I want proof.

I also want evidence that the relationship was as horrible as it was. I don’t ever want to look back in 5 years with rose tinted glasses. I’ve retained all our communications (and archived them so the other person also can’t delete them). We haven’t spoken in 4 years, but I have no desire to delete everything because I want evidence. I don’t think about them or have any desire to contact them and I never have. But I think it can be a sensible thing to do to keep that stuff.

But if you don’t want it and you want to delete everything, then do it. Or work out for yourself why you haven’t been ready to let go. Therapy was incredibly helpful for me.

Change it from her name to something very appropriate like the trauma vampire

It's under Asshole 🤣

😂😂😂😂

Why do you need to delete it?

I don't delete anyones number from my phone. I've got ex-girlfriends from 20 years ago, people I've not spoken to in years, old bosses etc.

If someone calls me, I want to know who it is before I decide to pick up. Why would I deprive myself of that information?

I also agree that you need to to keep numbers so you know who’s contacting you. I also keep messages. Rose tinted glasses after time has passed are difficult to contend with when you might think ‘ahh they’re not so bad’. That’s what can lead to you getting back onto an unhealthy rollercoaster again.
Seeing what they said/did in black and white can help to stop you contacting them if you have a weaker moment.