Covert narc husband is abusive and leaving

[Pinkpanther23]

My husband is a Doctor and to the outside world he’s empathic and self deprecating.

However behind closed doors he squandered our life savings, was and is controlling and an emotionally abusive gaslighter.

Ive got a baby and 8 year old and I gave him an ultimatum after smashing up and telling me it was my fault for dysregulating him, and he chose to leave and not take accountability.

I have a small amount of savings, eligible for UC, no house to split.

Im 42 and my life feels like it’s over.

I can’t move back with family so need to stay in current rental but it will be so tight. Limited childcare too. Gave up work after eldest and do min wage around kids.

please someone on the other side tell me there is a light at the end of this because I can’t let this man break me for my kids sake…

There is always hope as Banksy illustrated!

go and get some advice, maybe ask your parents if they can help.

if he is a Doctor then he will have an NHS pension scheme which could be very valuable when it comes to divorce. How old is
he and what does he earn?

Try and get as much help and advice as you can

Speak to a solicitor.
Yours and your kids peace is so worth it.

Put a cms claim in. That should be quite a bit as well

Glad he left. I remember your previous threads. Now for child maintenance claim and divorce

To answer your last para, there is a beautiful light at the end of the rebuilding tunnel.

You are young, though you don't feel it right now which is understandable.

If you've done some reading on this you'll know not to take his word for anything and to limit comms to the absolutely unavoidable, preferably in writing.

I promise one day you'll look back and thank him for leaving to free you up for a better life xxx

The date you first ring CMS (child’s mantantance support) and register your claim is the date they will back date it to and make him pay when the claim is all sorted . So id ring up first thing in the morning . They will ask for his national insurance number etc etc

If he’s a senior consultant, he’s likely earning in the region of £200k a year. With two children, that would put child maintenance at roughly £1.7k per month through CMS. It’s worth applying as soon as possible, as it can take around 8 weeks to come through.

You should also apply for Universal Credit-you could receive around £2k per month, and child maintenance isn’t counted as income for that.

Financially, you’re likely to be more secure without relying on him.

Report him to the police.

I called 101 and reported the aggression

This really OP. Financially and emotionally you’ll be much better off without him x

Go in ask to make a statement.
Every bit of it.
What your children have witnessed is emotional abuse.
Tell them about his financial abuse.
His emotional abuse.
Your fear of him.

Does he control the money?
Any pressure on you to have sex?
Does he control what you do, if you can leave the house?

Tell the police everything.
Spare nothing.

No he’s not consultant yet with eow cms and UC I’d receive £2300 in total

Is he doing locums? You might be in for quite a shock when you go through CMS and see what he actually earns. My ex-husband was on around £200k a year, but for our entire seven-year relationship he told me he was making £70k.

I see why he is your ex! What a betrayal.

I cannot describe the freedom, the calm, the kids being themselves dancing round the house not afraid of anyone, youll make it work and if you let UC know what youve been going through, get support from Compass and other agencies, you will get lots of support, its worth it, every second they are out of your life and away from you, you get lighter, you can deal with anything and start to feel like yourself again.