Would you want to know if your husband was sleeping around?

[singledatingloser]

I've got a question for the married women on here. If your husband was on dating sites, meeting and sleeping with other women, would you really want to know?

Asking for a friend, are you?

What a head-scratcher.

no, I just know 2 men now that are doing it. but I know a lot of people would say stay out of it which I get. I personally would want to know. but im not married and never have been dont have kids so that obviously would impact things. just wanted honest opinions.

I should add I dont know their wives at all. so not meddling in that.

I worked with a man once who was an absolute womaniser and one of our female colleagues told his wife as they went to the same gym and they had kids at the same school and she felt she should know and she got the blame for ruining the marriage and was blamed for being the other woman which was absolutely not the case
she had the decency to tell this woman the truth but sadly she didn’t want to hear it and she had a lovely lifestyle she lost when they separated but I’d rather have a decent partner myself but some people are weird and turn a blind eye!!
based on that I’d steer well clear they’ll find out eventually I’m sure.

I personally would want to know, but I wouldn’t assume anyone else would.

I made myself incredibly miserable trying to get 'proof' and acting 'paranoid'. Because of that, I bloody well would want to know and not weird hints, either!

If I'd had Mumsnet back then, I'd have realised sooner than I did that a relationship which made me feel like that wasn't good for me, with or without proof. But it's definitely better in my view to have clear facts.

In a large office where I worked, we accidentally found one of the men's profile on a hook-up site. He was married to a truly fabulous woman; they had five kids. It was obvious he'd been on the site for some time and very active. After much deliberating, we decided to try and shame him by printing out his cheesy profile pics. He wasn't particularly ashamed. One of the colleagues was friends with his wife; she decided to break it to her. She was devastated. And she stayed with him.

Still, she made that choice on the basis of correct information, which I guess is all you can ask for.

I did once tell a close friend her fiancé was cheating. She asked for a lot of detail, which she used to do her own investigation - and found out he was stealing from her as well. She ditched him, and we stayed friends.

Yes. I would want to know.

Yes, not least because of the sexual health implications!

Sleeping around yes. A one night stand 10 years ago no

Yes.

Yes. I would only want brief facts or statements though. ‘MrMoz appears to be on tinder’ or ‘I saw MrMoz out at drinks with Sue from work last week.’

I wouldn’t want the person telling me to have gone full on Miss Marple or extrapolate or make assumptions.

My friend “Lisa” found out something about another (mutual) friend’s boyfriend. “Jane” relied on Lisa for weeks for midnight rants and consolation, to share screenshots from Tinder etc. Ultimately the messenger was shot and the boyfriend twisted it into Lisa being jealous and trying to drive a wedge even though Jane had been the one asking for all the support and further info. Jane got married and the bloke is still a sleaze.

Yes I would want to know and I would absolutely tell the wife/partner if she was in my circle of friends. I would have a small amount of hard evidence prepared as well.

I would also not be expecting thanks in any way. So many times seem to end with the messenger being shot. Equally, I would never do it anonymously, thats just a head f**k. The poor woman is having her world turned upside down and the person doing it should at least have the courage to stand up rather than create more room for being gaslit or paranoid feelings.

It’s not a one size fits all question, by any stretch of the imagination.

Yes. And I was the wife.

If I suspected it, yes. If I was blissfully unaware then no.

Yes I would absolutely want to know. My personal agency is very important to me; having the full facts of my life in front of me so I can make informed decisions. I would hate to know if made a life changing financial or family decision while not having the full facts in front of me.

Cheating includes removing my right to sexual consent and putting me at increased risk of STIs. I would want to know.

This stuff is damaging if and when it gets out and I’d rather it was sooner than later.

I did tell my close friend when I suspected her husband, I was right, and I wasn’t ‘shot’ our relationship is now stronger as she knows I will not lie to her.

I’d want to know, but transparently: not a weasely anonymous message saying “I know your husband is cheating on you” which leaves me in the dark about whether it’s somebody with an axe to grind trying to cause trouble. “Hello, I’m Laura, I play pickleball with your husband and I thought you should know that he’s been open about being on dating apps - here’s his profile. I’m going to bow out now but recommend you talk to him” would be fine.

I would 100% want to know.

However, I’d think twice, as years ago (i was young and naive!) I told someone their partner had cheated and I got weeks of abuse and punched in the face. So probably wouldn’t bother again. I mind my own business these days.

Yes I would. I’d probably buy the informant a bottle of champagne too. Even if it was an ow.

Stunned by this reply. Have never - ever - come across a married woman who would not want to know if her husband was "on dating sites, meeting and sleeping with other women".

This exactly^^

Yes, mostly because cheaters compromise your sexual health and that’s a big no from me.

I have been cheated on before and there have been times I wished I just wouldn’t have known just because how differently it made me look at that person, but I think ultimately it’s always best to know.

Yes.

If the wife isn't interested in sex and enjoys a certain lifestyle that would change should she have to divorce some would prefer to turn a blind eye. They don't have the hassle of having sex. If someone points it out to them then they feel obligated to act on it. I've seen this before and not as rare as you might think.