Anuse

[redtabby]

I dont know what I want from this. I have already sold my integrity, but I suppose I just need to vent. H is chronically moaning, and becoming vwrballt abusive at times, because he thinks he should "get" more sex. I am post menopausal, not always in the mood, but since he told me "why is it always on your terms?" I have pretty much gritted my teeth and obliged sonce he was being such a prick. I am sexually still attracted to him but not always in the mood, which is unacceptable to him.

Whenever I go away for work (infrequently) he accuses me of seeing other men. Today I cam home from a week doing various work meetings and he started this shit again. When I objected he told me I was an "80 year old wrinkled bag' (I am 62, but its true that he is younger), amd that I should just "leave". Fior context, the house is ours jointly, no mortgage and I was the one who actually bought it, with my pension lump sum., although he has done a lot of work on it.

Our 16 year old autistic son heard this and has been very upset. Obviously I told him that I would never leave.

I have lived through a lot of shit with him for the sake of our son. I feel the end of my tether may be approaching. I am in Ireland so no divorce possible until you have been separated for 2 years. He is telling me to leave if I dont agree to have sex every day. I am in rather a bind , I am obviously not going to leave my house or my son but I am trying to get control of the anger.

He was not always like this but is a heavy drinker andI I think that is taking a toll on his thinking.

I don't really have any question to ask , but I just needed to write this down tonight, thanks.

Sorry stupid phone, that title was supposed,to say abuse? (with a question mark).

He is telling me to leave if I dont agree to have sex every day

Jesus H Christ, that's horrific. Absolutely that's abuse, there's a word for coercing people to have sex they don't want. Please seek legal advice as soon as you can. Thinking of you.

I'm sorry @redtabby
He's being very abusive indeed.
How easily can you end it?

I can't end it. I am not going to leave my house or my child. He has told me several times tonight to get the fuck out, just go. Of course I won't. Obviously I am not going to. If this was a one off drunken rant I would probably just suck it up. But he keeps doing this. Last night, while I was away, he could not get hold of me for 10 minutes (entirely his fault, he switched off the wifi without realising it). So this morning it was all, "who are you sleeping with" etc etc. I guess I just need a reality check that this is not normal.

Why don't you just tell him that you'll only ever have sex with him again if he leaves -- and watch his head explode?

We can say absolutely its not normal OP. You absolutely know it's not normal. Unless you want to change your circumstances nobody can help you.
You KNOW it's not normal.

I could leave but they always say don't leave your house right? This is the first property i have ever owned, its in our joint names but I bought it myself, for cash.
And DS is 16 but autistic and vulnerable. I am not about to leave him.
So I am kind of stuck.

Don't leave the house but get legal advice and start logging his behaviour with the police.

Tell him to leave if he's not happy.

Surely, there's an Irish version of Women's Aid you can contact for advice?

Can you sleep in a separate room?

Will he leave if you stop having sex with him?

OP, you could easily be on your deathbed in 20 years’ time. Is this really how you want to spend your time on this earth?
The prick NEEDS to go x

I understand that you don't want to leave the house but that doesn't mean that you have to have sex with him. He is abusive and you can separate and start divorce proceedings while under the same roof. Can you move into another bedroom? I would see a solicitor and tell him it's over and you're not leaving the house. If you're married, the house will probably have to be sold and then you can each go your separate ways. If he's aggressive and/or threatening, call the police. Do you have support from friends and family?

Having sex because he gets angry or threatens you or tells you you have to, is coercion, and is rape.

You do not have to have sex you don't want, whatever he says.

Will he get violent if you refuse? If you're in danger, please get the police involved. You may be able to have him removed from the home as a risk to you.

Is there an equivalent of Women's Aid in Ireland? This is domestic abuse.

You need legal advice and he sounds like a rapist. So sorry.

I understand it's not as simple as "just leave" but do you want this man as the relationship role model for your son?

Tell him to leave. What’s he going to do otherwise? If he wants out he can do it.