Husband denies contacting escorts and refuses to leave our shared home

[Sunshine189]

Hi, first time posting so bear with me and sorry, this is long.

I discovered at the end of November 2025 that my husband was looking up and phoning local escorts on nights out and nights away. I immediately kicked him out and he left for a few days. However as the kids were looking for him and it was coming up to Christmas I said he could come back until Christmas but I wanted him gone after that.

In the meantime, he told me he never met any escorts. He was only looking them up out of curiosity or for the thrill. I find this hard to believe because in two of the more recent occasions one was a night away where he looked them up near where he was staying, he phoned two who were providing services near where he was staying and I saw deleted text messages from one with an address near where he was staying.

A week after that, on a night out, he made 20 phone calls to 11 different escorts near where he was out. The last number he called a second time, she sent a text with a location, her rates and a postcode too for an ATM. She was a three minute walk from where he was. He text me an hour after his last call with her to say he was on his way home.

So I don’t believe it was curiosity or a thrill. I’ve gone back through phone records as far as I can and there are other calls on separate nights out nights away.

And if this isn’t bad enough his behaviour since isn’t great. After Christmas he refused to leave. He said he doesn’t want us to separate and bought me an eternity ring for Christmas and that we’d do marriage counselling. However he’s changed passcodes on his phones and carries them everywhere, he was annoyed I refused the ring because he was humiliated bringing it back and he’s put restrictions on counselling location / times making it actually really difficult to do. He’s demanded I don’t tell anybody because there would be no coming back for him if people knew he was phoning escorts. He’s said if I tell his family, it will make them unwell. Anytime I try ask him anything about it, he refuses saying we should only talk about when counsellor is present because it escalates. But then he’s made access to a counsellor difficult. He’s saying I’m the one abusing him putting him under so much stress with my constant questioning.

I told him the other day I’m done and asked him to leave to give me space but he refused again. We jointly own the house so he’s entitled to stay as much as I am. He’s started to help more in house and with children making himself look like perfect husband and dad but he’s trying to turn children against me. He told my eldest I hate him, he told her she could get a puppy if I agreed (we agreed no already before) and he also told her I wouldn’t let him drive his car on an occasion where I had said I needed it.

I’ve spoken with a solicitor but it sounds like it will be a long process. As he won’t leave I’ll have to continue leaving like this until we come to some sort of agreement.

It is exhausting and I’m worn out. He’s insisting he’s done nothing wrong. He’s also the type of person to twist the narrative to spin me in a bad light so I’m very nervous about how this will play out.

Any help or suggestions for me? Thanks if you managed to read this far.

They say it will be better to stay in family home with them to try keep stability and routine for them. The courts will look to the welfare of the children in the first place.

I’ve been tested and got all clear thankfully

The sooner you kick start the divorce, the sooner you’ll get rid of him.

I would tell anyone I fancied telling. He can explain himself to them.

Good luck, you can do this, and better times are around the corner. 💐

Hello OP this man has already revealed that he is a serial liar. So please don’t believe a word he says. Everything he is saying and doing is to protect him, not you.
Please have a look at the excellent chumplady.com website - your husband is following a time worn path I’m afraid.
Reread your posts and notice how many times you talk about what he says, and what he wants. No longer - from now on it’s about what you want. He’s made his choices and choices have consequences. He has risked your sexual health, used joint finances on escorts without consent, left the family home for sex, lied repeatedly, gaslit you and now wants you to lie to protect him.
He wants counselling but shows no remorse and in fact is now lying to your children. This counselling is just a red herring to waste your time- ignore it!
At some point soon it might be an idea to explain to the children - in an age appropriate and factual way - that you will soon be splitting up because daddy is seeing other lady friends not just mummy and this is making her sad. You don’t need to say anything horrible about him- the facts are bad enough! Sorry I don’t know yr children’s age but he is clearly trying to alienate them and they need information in order to understand why.
Tell anyone you wish. Get support from friends and family. Husband doesn’t like you telling the truth? Well he should have thought of that before shouldn’t he…
You’re abusing him??? Laughable.

This is very true. He’s only out to protect himself. I’m honestly quite shocked at how cold he’s being. The betrayal was bad but he’s behaviour since I found out is awful.

I told him the and about the counselling. That he was only saying he’d do to make him look good but had no intentions of following through properly by making it difficult to attend. He had the cheek to say I could have bluffed it for a few more sessions. Why should I to be honest. Oh and I had to pay for half of the two sessions we did.

Children are 10, 7 and 4. It’s very upsetting he appears to be trying to turn them against me. I’ve flagged it to solicitor also.

I done protecting him.

Men like this always try to get away with their bad behaviour by using emotional manipulation and false guilt to get women to “play nice”, while all the time they do the opposite.

Once you decide to stop protecting him from the consequences of his own actions and allow yourself to be honest with everyone about what he has done, you will feel so much better.

Stick to the facts, and they will speak for themselves. And don’t worry if he talks shit about you. In the long run, the only people his lies will work on are those who are not close enough to you to hear both sides of the story, and those people don’t really have any impact on your life.

done protecting him

Good. Have you told everyone what he did yet then?

Go public- tell all and sundry- how dare he behave like this- the cretin.
He is the reason everyone will be affected so tough shit if he doesn’t like it.

I imagine this really is it fir you, so why do you care about the fall out?
I am afraid I would also have an age appropriate conversation with your children- Daddy has made a big mistake and it has changed things…so he will be …
Children are not stupid- tell them daddy is saying you can have a dog to upset mummy. If he’d wanted you to have a dog, you would have had one a couple of years ago.

This man has turned your life upside down - at a time when you were caring for young children- what a betrayal. I would have no compunction about making his very existence in my presence a living hell. He’d be running to leave the house!