I should probably be a little more confident in my own gut instinct by now as I’ve been here before but I really need some advice 😔 I am sat here in turmoil over what to do about my relationship of 5 years.
A very long story short I had one 8 year relationship that ended after we had a child together. We had the house, intentions of being together forever etc. once we had our baby he changed. He was never there for us, neglectful, mean, selfish beyond words. I eventually left with nothing but our clothes and a bed for us. He kept it all.
it took a lot for me to trust again but I eventually found a partner that seemed to be all the things I didn’t have from my ex. A help around the house, supportive, kind. I didn’t plan of having another baby but he hadn’t had his own and honestly my eldest is my biggest blessing so it wasn’t hard to have another with “the right person”. The promises it would be a completely different experience were made. Well it wasn’t. Not quite anyway. He shows up il give him that but since having our child he is angry, short tempered and miserable. I’ve rode it out for a long time, she is 3 in September. But my life has become miserable. The moments of fun are almost always ruined. He constantly picks at and puts down my eldest, doesn’t do anything with the kids. All he wants to do is work (we are both self employed). I work 3 days a week and pay for the nursery bill to do so but am responsible for 85% of the bills. Thank the lord I developed a skill that pays. If he has to have the kids it almost always results in a meltdown from him, whining or tears. I am constantly jumping in to save this man from the chaos he creates. Once he’s kicked off he will have a cry about it. It’s utterly exhausting. Here is the kicker…he is saying if we break up he will be having my youngest 50/50. It breaks my heart that I will potentially have to not see her for 50% of the week. I do not trust he is emotionally stable to have her. He doesn’t have his own place (I rent our house and it’s fully in my name) or anywhere safe for her to stay. He used to live with his mum who bless her is a darling but her house is full with stuff and she has dogs that are not toilet trained so it’s just not possible for her to stay there.
It Took me years to leave my first partner because I constantly held on to the small things he did do. Even now I doubt it was that bad. It’s like I cannot trust my own constant pain and unhappiness because I see tiny bits of good. My current partner does help with chores, he does show up for the kids events etc. But surely my peace is worth more than that?
I feel as if I can’t win and I would rather suffer than have my daughter suffer. Any advice of thoughts are really needed. I am sorry if this isn’t well written. My brain is fried from constantly being put in fight or flight. Rel