How do I handle this ?

[user1497510803]

Name changed for this .

Many years ago 25+ , why I was 13/14 , I believe I was sexually abused by a boy in my year at school . Looking back to how I was then I was a bit of a loner , no siblings , mum & dad out of the house a lot due to work and they would also go out Fridays & the weekend to pubs leaving me at home alone .
Not many friends at school or closer to home . I craved being liked and probably loved as parents never said they loved me .
Then the boy started showing interest in me although not at school ( I was hit by him in front of people enough to receive big bruises my arms and kicks to the legs , I was scared of him ( and probably all boys )
He knew my parents went out as his friend lived opposite me . He would knock and I'd let him in . Once indoors he was nice and friendly and things would happen including once sex , but in reality I was afraid of him so never said no .
Timescale for all that was about around 6 months then , thankfully , stopped .
Was that abuse ? Now I feel it was but as ive said , I never said no .
I am in a group chat with ex pupils of the school I attended ( don't live in the area )
and their is talk of getting together for a catch up , it's happened before but I have never gone but I'm in the area at that time .
He is now married to a girl from the same year and I have chatted on line and there will be other people there I would like to catch up with but he is more than likely to be there . Do I ignore him , do I speak to him like everything is fine if he speaks to me.
What do I do ?

What do you want to do? If you feel like you don't want to speak to him, then you shouldn't. You were afraid of him back then, and he was nasty and hit you, he took advantage of your vulnerability for sexual activity. You were both very young, do you feel that he sexually abused you? You may not have said no but did you show enthusiastic consent? It doesn't sound like you did.

If you want to talk through what happened, you can always call Rape Crisis for advice and support with no judgement

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/want-to-talk/

Yes it was sexual abuse, and the reason you didn't say no was because you were too scared of him. You did not consent to it - you were unable to say no, which is a different thing entirely.

Thank you for your replies and for validating my thoughts . I do feel that abuse took place and,even after all these years I dread seeing him but on the other hand I want to meet up with the others .
I am not that person anymore and think I could front up to seeing him and ignore or at least if he spoke generally to me reply ok .
I do know that he has not been faithful to her so that tells everything about him .

You were abused. The fact that he was violent is bad enough.
I know you are keen to meet these people but I would actually give it close thought.
This anxiety is going to build up and you don’t need the stress. If he does see you I’m sure he will be quite jovial, as if nothing ever happened, but the fact is, it did.
If there are a few people in the group you really like maybe message one and say you’d like to meet at another time in a smaller group?
I often find with these types of events there is often a lot of talk of meeting up and it fizzles out.
I think you have unresolved feelings here - you know about his personal life still - which is very natural considering what he did to you.
Try if you can to engage with others nearer home, or find something else to concentrate on. I have often found reunions like this to be quite difficult. There will be others with all sorts of hurt carried, not as bad as yours.

I would not go - coming face to face with an abuser triggers a primeval response with me. I was loud, brash, healed and in full control and came face to face with my abuser which I believed I would be ok with and it triggered a huge panic attack. I would get some support and advise and counselling before you make a decision with this. It sounds like it was sexual abuse and coercion the expectation of sex because you feared violence is rape and you could discuss this with someone before next steps.

Thanks for you advice . I have thought,about suggesting a few of us meet up separately .
I only know about his personal life because a colleague of where I used to work passed on details of why she had a big row with her sister , turned out she was the ow . I acknowledged I knew his wife but didn't mention him at all .