Am I being unfair

[Justagirl87]

well I don’t know where to start but just briefly husband was working for 10 months (paid me bill money about 3 months) and would still borrow money off me. I have 2 kids he has 2 kids and we have 1 together. He doesn’t hardly help around house. I’m currently working and he’s not. I offered to pay for us all to go on holiday if he sorts his passport. Anyway I think we both know relationship has come to an end but he won’t leave. I’m wanting to book a holiday for me and my kids is that me being unfair?? His kids are going away with their mum this year

Be careful, as he's not working he could say he's the primary carer (is he?) In which case you will have to leave as he will need the house to accommodate his 3 kids.

I will be honest we live like this the majority of the time he sleeps on sofa me in my bed. I don’t cook or do anything for him in the hope he leaves. He’s quite happy to still stay here and make mess knowing I can’t live like it. Then after weeks he sob stories me and I fall for it every time giving it one more try and it’s a vicious circle. But I try cause he doesn’t leave then I start to feel bad my kids are living in this atmosphere. Then he continues to have his son here and I just find it unfair on the kids. But that’s another issue his son (previous relationship 14) keeps hitting our 6 year old and he says nothing but if it’s the other way round our 6 year old gets into trouble. So many things that make me want to be on my own. But he has a way of making me then believe I’ve not put enough effort into the relationship and it’s my fault

Do you think they deal in marriage guidance. They don't deal with relationship breakdowns!

@Tablesandchairs23 probably not marriage guy....but they might be able to help the OP with advice about getting her ex out?? Hmm? 😐🤷

I have contacted them they can’t do anything then they tell him if he leaves he’s making himself intentionally homeless so won’t help him. I feel like I’m stuck in a dead end he won’t go back to his mums cause fell out with his dad

@Justagirl87 very difficult situation. However he could stay with someone?? Good luck x

He’s refusing to this is my issue. I feel trapped with no way to turn. I don’t want to make it into a fight as we still share a son together

@Justagirl87 but if he won't move out what choice do you have?? Very difficult situation to be in.

As others have said: consult Citizens' Advice; start divorce proceedings now - after you are no longer married, you should be able to get him evicted on the basis you need the council house tenancy more, because you are principal carer of the children; see if you can find support from local Women's Aid Groups, because his leeching off you is a form of abuse.

He won't change. You know that. If you don't separate yourself from him, you are looking at a life of misery.
Once you have made up your made you have to stick to it. But get help to do that.

"made up your mind", sorry, don't know how to edit.

You have to divorce him. Just make your mind up to do that and move forward.

His 14 yr old hits your 6 yr old? Put them both out!
Get in touch with Shelter.

An ultimatum is needed put out or get out. Enforce it until he make a choice. Bring it up everyday if you have to.

Oh so difficult, @Justagirl87 .

Stay strong, don’t let his mind games confuse and manipulate you. Write things down, get mental clarity for when he head fogs you.

Find your anger - This will likely have to get worse before better.

Wishing you all the best.

Speak to the police and report your stepson for assault