Went back to a narcissist and paying the price

[Terriblysad123]

I don’t know if anyone is out there but I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.

I continued to see a man (there’s a previous post) and it has now all come to a head. He has been physically abusive, I sought a Clare’s Law and have now found out in the last 12-18 months of us being on and off, he’s admitted to sleeping with over 40 women and I’ve found active dating profiles and I feel so sick.

I’m ashamed and heartbroken. Why do I continually miss him though when he’s such a terrible person. I feel like there is something wrong with me and I’m at the end of my tether with it all.

He only lives 10 minutes away and I bump into him all the time and it’s only a matter of time before he’ll be out with another woman and I can’t bare the thought of seeing that.

He told me he loved me and wanted me to move in with him and then behind closed doors he’s been going on dates and having many many one night stands. He’s even sent me photos of some of the women and it really hurts me. So much so that I don’t think I’ll ever recover from this.

I had my 40th last week and he told me he hoped I had the worst birthday ever.

I don’t know how to breathe without him. I know that’s dramatic but in this moment that’s how it feels.

when written down I know he’s a shit but I feel so heartbroken and I’m just sick of life. I work 4 jobs to stay afloat and I don’t have a day off. I’m trying to better myself by going to college in the evening and I’m just drained.

Be kind to yourself.

Consider this trauma to be like an injury you need to heal from.

I hope you have blocked all contact on devices / platforms now? Erase him
and his access to you on all devices.

Eat. Little and often. Stay hydrated.

Keep posting.

You are breathing right now. You had a life before him and you will have a life post him.

Maybe some therapy would help. Sounds like you're in a trauma bond, which is common.

Keep going, OP

Well when my exh was a twat on my 40th I threw him out and never contacted him again. Divorced within 3 months.
He isn't worthy of your time or thoughts op. Plough your efforts into something else so you don't have time to dwell.

You do know how to breathe without him because you are doing it right this minute. I know too well how dramatic it all feels in the early stages but this is where you have to block him so he is not able to contact you again. Why is he still able to send you photos and mean messages for your birthday? Exactly because you haven't blocked him yet.
Take control.

I think I’m clearly just very weak. I block and then unlock on repeat and can’t break the cycle. He also owes me money and has a car stored at my home that he conveniently can’t move and I have no keys for. I appreciate to some I look like a mug and I accept that I actually probably am but right now, this pain feels horrid. I’m trying to carry on because I have no choice, I have 3 jobs and am barely scraping by as it is. I want to curl up and shut the whole world out. I’ve been through heartbreak before so I do know it’ll improve eventually but I’m just reaching out because I feel so lonely right now.

Where is the car stored? Is it ok your drive? If so, you give him a week notice that the car will be removed, then report it as an abandoned vehicle parked illegally on your property. I am sure a nice man can remove it to the scrapyard free of charge.
The money that he owes you is never coming back to you. Write it off.
And to avoid unblocking him number, you simply delete it from your phone alongside call log and any message threads between you.

When you block his number, delete the number too. Including all messages and call logs from him. Change your number as well. Write the money off you aren’t getting it back. And report his car as abandoned to the police.

Had a look at your previous thread.
There is also one from 2014 - is this the same guy?
This man has done some hideous things, OP.
To be blunt, he does not love you. He is not capable of it. He uses women. He has no care for them.
This has left you bereft. You are at the stage now where only you can do something and you need help.
Do you have friends/family who can help?
I know you lost your dad at a young age and that has a huge effect on a young woman’s sense of self. I’m no therapist but I think you are clinging to a male presence in your life.
I know it’s a bit of a wait for NHS counselling. Still go to your GP and advocate for yourself.
You are working so hard and going to college you are doing brilliantly but that in itself is enough right now.
At a crossroads in life I made that decision - I either ended my life (it had become too painful) or I got some help and went for it.
I chose to stay, I got some help and started doing tiny acts every day. I mean tiny. Like doing my nails or deep cleaning a drawer.
Sounds a bit basic but over time it transforms your life.
This is my mantra now - spend your time with people you like, doing things you like.
At 40 I thought I would never meet anyone but I did a few years later. But I took several years away from dating because I knew I could get hurt easily.
It really can be done but that first part, that first decision, has to come from you.
You don’t deserve to live like this. You deserve to have a life, with people who care about you.

I think you can access Women’s Aid Freedom Program free online. That could be a starting point to try to understand why you feel this attachment to someone you know is absolutely no good for you. I think once you raise your understanding of that your self esteem will follow and hopefully you will never consider someone like him as be worthy of you again.

in the meantime, if you do see him with his next victim, remember that is what that poor unsuspecting woman is. Whereas you’re now well clear of him

It's a shock to find out that even awful relationships can be painful when they end. This is why people return to abusers, it often feels better than being without them.

It takes time to recover. You need to accept this is something you have to work through. You'll make it to the other side and will be free of him forever x