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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Perimenopause, low libido and husband not understanding the change

4 replies

TripToe · 13/04/2026 12:41

Perimenopause and lack of sex drive!

Posted this on SEX talk… but thought might generate more views here. (Apologies…first time posting!

DH and started to have sex/BJ (again) in sporadic bursts…eg, every day for a few days - sometimes more than once a day…then there could be day (maybe a week or so) of nothing. (I’m more of a giver than a receiver!)
would happily ‘take it’🙈 and wouldn’t turn him down…BUT I don’t have the ‘drive’ or motivation in ‘wanting’ it as much.
Hubby doesn’t get it when I try to explain I have no drive. Is really hard to explain it well.

We used to be very highly sexed and tried everything inc capturing those moments to later revisit for our own pleasure.

However, the other day while I was at work and hubby at home literally cock in hand, he was revisiting those moments, we were texting and I found it hard trying to get into the swing of sex text talking about it (to help fire him up). Plus I was on/off busy at work (didn’t tell him that at the time) and I replied I’m glad he’s watching the videos and to film himself wanking for me - including a thumbs up emoji🙈🙈🙈

he’s been off with me ever since saying, my lack of interest and along with an emoji put him off along with I no longer make an effort and goes two ways. I completely get that and have let him and us, down in the sexual side of late. I feel a complete failure and would do anything to feel horny again! I told him I’m trying to work on my libido first… (as lack of it was quite bad). The things that used to turn us on, and how I’d engage in the build up of getting him turned on (in this case via dirty texting), feels ‘fake’ to me which is why I can’t ’get Into ‘character’.

I’m not really explaining it well am I?

I don’t think he gets it.

And I feel shitty I’m not doing my part.

hes gone cold on me and I feel there’s now no spark… I also feel this pressure to make more of an effort (something he said I need to do) even tho it’s not there and I struggle to.

i don’t know what I’m asking for really. Probably just venting.

we have toys/supplements/HRT/dressing up stuff EVERYTHING is there.. except my drive😫

has anyone else gone though this blip and does it come back???

OP posts:
KeenAzureHare · 13/04/2026 12:51

Sounds like a lot to keep up with as in sex and associated add ons were a big part of the relationship

moderate · 13/04/2026 12:57

TripToe · 13/04/2026 12:41

Perimenopause and lack of sex drive!

Posted this on SEX talk… but thought might generate more views here. (Apologies…first time posting!

DH and started to have sex/BJ (again) in sporadic bursts…eg, every day for a few days - sometimes more than once a day…then there could be day (maybe a week or so) of nothing. (I’m more of a giver than a receiver!)
would happily ‘take it’🙈 and wouldn’t turn him down…BUT I don’t have the ‘drive’ or motivation in ‘wanting’ it as much.
Hubby doesn’t get it when I try to explain I have no drive. Is really hard to explain it well.

We used to be very highly sexed and tried everything inc capturing those moments to later revisit for our own pleasure.

However, the other day while I was at work and hubby at home literally cock in hand, he was revisiting those moments, we were texting and I found it hard trying to get into the swing of sex text talking about it (to help fire him up). Plus I was on/off busy at work (didn’t tell him that at the time) and I replied I’m glad he’s watching the videos and to film himself wanking for me - including a thumbs up emoji🙈🙈🙈

he’s been off with me ever since saying, my lack of interest and along with an emoji put him off along with I no longer make an effort and goes two ways. I completely get that and have let him and us, down in the sexual side of late. I feel a complete failure and would do anything to feel horny again! I told him I’m trying to work on my libido first… (as lack of it was quite bad). The things that used to turn us on, and how I’d engage in the build up of getting him turned on (in this case via dirty texting), feels ‘fake’ to me which is why I can’t ’get Into ‘character’.

I’m not really explaining it well am I?

I don’t think he gets it.

And I feel shitty I’m not doing my part.

hes gone cold on me and I feel there’s now no spark… I also feel this pressure to make more of an effort (something he said I need to do) even tho it’s not there and I struggle to.

i don’t know what I’m asking for really. Probably just venting.

we have toys/supplements/HRT/dressing up stuff EVERYTHING is there.. except my drive😫

has anyone else gone though this blip and does it come back???

I’m more of a giver than a receiver

Sounds like your DH has got spoiled and needs to step up if he wants to keep you engaged.

TripToe · 13/04/2026 13:18

moderate · 13/04/2026 12:57

I’m more of a giver than a receiver

Sounds like your DH has got spoiled and needs to step up if he wants to keep you engaged.

Do you know what, I agree!
it’s not as if it doesn’t get it at all - I’m quite ‘unselfish’ just not into what we used to do to get him into it. It’s not as if I want him to go down on me every session (even tho he’s only don’t it a few times this year alone!🤣)

I just feel like I’m to blame which I know I’m not but can’t help feeling I am if that makes sense?

OP posts:
TripToe · 13/04/2026 13:21

KeenAzureHare · 13/04/2026 12:51

Sounds like a lot to keep up with as in sex and associated add ons were a big part of the relationship

it feels there is a high expectation to meet that… but I’m not ‘there’ and struggling in the lower rungs!

OP posts:
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