New relationship.. How to overcome anxiety .. waiting to be discarded .

[puster]

Long history of being used, abused and discarded in romantic relationships.So, I’ve done a lot of work, therapy and reading and feeling a good place to date again.
unexpectedly , I met a lovely man , same age as me mid fifties and he has been nothing but consistent, eager, plans great dates and respectful of my own time and commitments. He is literally told me that he is really excited about us and where we are /could go.
So why am I waiting for it to fall apart?

He needed to sort some family stuff last night so that meant he couldn’t call.
I literally saw him the day before.. we live an hour away from each other and had a few texts yesterday morning.

I know his behaviour is totally normal and acceptable but I’m looking for signs that this is the start of him losing interest. It’s utterly ridiculous, I know and I’ve done so much work in this area . I’m very frustrated. Any words of wisdom please?

Hi think you need to do a CBT approach to help with your anxiety. Wrote down your worry and write down the reality. Like you've just done. Also take things very slowly and enjoy each date for what it is.

offering you a virtual handholding. Anxiety is rough. Please try to lean into this, remind yourself regularly that you can either try to enjoy the moment and have some fun, or let these negative thoughts take over. I know it isnt easy, but try… one day at a time.

The issue is that feeling like you’re going to be discarded / it will fall apart is that it can then morph into becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

There needs to be a way for you to break that cycle, @Tomselleckhaskindeyes offers good advice follow that. You’re doing really well so far, but just keep going.

Are you sure he is not married or living with another woman?

100%

You had therapy to learn some coping skills so use them. Therapy is not "one and done" process. You have to actively retrain your brain to break through this pattern.
Whatever you do, don't act on your anxieties. Don't questing him if everything is alright, don't text or call excessively. Go for a walk, read a book, call a friend.... You want to avoid self-fulfilling prophecy as best you can.

Make sure you have a fulfilling life besides dating so that you'll be more resilient if a break up happens. Keep up with friendships, hobbies, etc. Self-talk is very important. Make it more about: He needs to treat me as the special person I am to stay in my life. I'll only continue in the relationship if the both of us are making equal effort.

That's putting the control in your own hands. And to have the mindset of if you're being the best gf you can be, if he leaves, then you're not meant for one another. That will leave you free to eventually find the keeper.

Definitely do not dump your fears on him. Fake it until you make it. But just know it's normal even for people who don't have emotional baggage to worry if a new relationship will end when you're very excited about this new person in your life. Things should settle down when it gets past the honeymoon stage, if it gets that far. But if it doesn't, tell yourself you will dust yourself off and move on. If you tell yourself you will collapse and your life will be destroyed, it's not true and you're creating disaster in your brain. Self-talk takes practice. Starting using it wisely for your own good.

Following this thread because I have the same problem.

You've posted before OP and got lots of great advice, did you take any of it on board?