Is he stalling?

[Mummyandme089]

Me and my partner have been together 3 years and have a 1 year old. He sent me this message following a heated conversation we recently had about our future

'That's where your wrong. I've told you so many times I'm happy with you. Happiest I've ever been. I'm just not happy when we have these arguments. That's when I'm down and depressed. I'm always happy with you. I may look miserable sometimes but i will always want to marry you or ask you but I'm so scared. When I propose it always seems to go to shit and I'm scared that will happen again. And I don't want that to happen with you. Xxxx'

How would you take this?

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment x

Hard to say. How many times has he proposed and been refused?

Has he proposed to you before and you have refused him? Im a little confused.

What happened before when he proposed, how did it go wrong.

‘I will decide if/when I want to marry you and don’t want you to talk to me about what you want’

He has never proposed to me but he did with his past 2 long term girlfriends

Then his message is manipulative (implying he’s happy as long as you don’t raise marriage) and pathetic (‘poor, scared me’h.

He is gaslighting you.

A better question for OP would be 'Do we agree about what we want and where our relationship is going?'

I’d speak to him face to face and ask what he is talking about

I wouldn’t want to marry a man who has proposed to every previous girlfriend.

He’s proposed twice and got a no?

You already have a child together so I would assume it's a committed relationship. What was the heated discussion about? Do you want to get married? Sorry but I don't buy his 'I'm scared' comment - if he wants to marry you, he would have asked you by now surely?

What was the argument about, him not wanting to marry you?

you can’t force someone to do that. His actions say all you need to know.

"I'm so scared."
Please fuck off.
Yes, he's stalling.

Why don't you just book a date at the registrars office and get married. Have the wedding at a later date.The guy is trying to tell you he is anxious. Or solve the problem by asking him to marry you.

I agree with @ERthree.
If you want to marry him then I think you should tell him that you want to marry him.
If you don't want to marry him then you should tell him you dont want to but you are happy with the status quo - assuming that you are of course.

What was the heated discussion re: your future about? Was it along the lines of you wondering why you're not engaged etc?

My ex pulled the same thing - he would propose once we were 'happy' but me bringing up marriage would make him 'unhappy', aka shut up about it. I walked away and married someone who was on the same page.