To let a judge decide who will stay in our HA house?

[Stripeyunicorns]

DP and I live in HA house and in the process of splitting because I can no longer tolerate his behaviour (not DV). We have children, one of which is mine from a previous relationship, and we both work. He doesnt want to split up, therefore he thinks I should be the one to leave, I can't afford to private rent. If we can't come to a solution we are both happy with, should we just take the matter to court and let a judge decide? Has anyone done this who could talk me through the process and what to expect? Please be kind, I'm struggling enormously with this situation because I feel so trapped.

What were the circumstances leading up to you (both?) getting the HA property? Were you on a list before you met him or it was his and you moved in?

Who is the main carer of the children?

We got the property together due to an eviction from a previously private rented house (landlord selling up). I do all the school runs and work my hours around the children so with them before and after school **so I guess I could be classed as the main carer but he quite often does stuff with them at the weekend without me so I don't know if that makes me less of the main carer.

If you are joint tenants then technically as you are the one who wants to end the relationship it could be argued that you need to leave

But he is your partner so I dont know where a judge comes into it. If you mean family court proceedings, a judge isnt going to make a determination about who continues a tenancy, its not like splitting assets under a financial arrangement and you're not married. Judges also do not want to make determinations they want parties to come to conclusions before they come to court so that the court just rubber stamps a decision.

Who would the children be living with?

My own child would obviously be with me, the children we share he would accept nothing less than 50 50 but I'm not sure how he would manage that with his job. We live very close to the younger childrens school and he has previously told me that he wouldn't let me take them if I moved out because we're so close to their school, which is another reason why private renting for me would be hard

No, this is not correct. Judges can absolutely decide who retains a joint tenancy from a social landlord. It would be done under the law relating to transfer of tenancy (Family Law Act 1996 Schedule 7).

The first thing to do is talk to your housing officer. Your landlord will likely have a policy about whether they will rehouse one or both of you, or not.

Oh, and get advice quickly about whether you should get an injunction to stop him from serving notice to quit, which would end the tenancy for both of you without your say-so.

If you do apply to court, this is what they take into account:

The court must consider all the circumstances, including the:[6]

• circumstances in which the tenancy was granted
• respective housing needs and housing resources of the parties and any relevant child. Housing resources include whether either party would qualify for rehousing under homelessness or allocations legislation[7]
• respective financial resources of the parties
• likely effect on the health, safety and well-being of the two parties and of any child
• respective suitability of the parties as tenants

Would the HA be able to consider offering him a 2 bed property as you are joint tenants & splitting up?
Dh had a friend in a joint tenancy council house. He split with his wife & got offered a 1 bed council property (no shared kids & each others adult kids had left home). He was sofa surfing until he got the keys so technically homeless for a few months. His wife kept the original home.

Did you have dc yourself before meeting and then had a dc with him?

a judge often does when it comes to HA, when the 2 tenants can’t decide. The Housing association won’t make the decision themselves, they let the courts decide

Can you speak to Citizen's Advice to try and find out what the next steps are? Or your council's housing officer?

Your HA will have a policy on this matter, reach out to them and ask, if children are mostly living with you it makes sense that you stay in the home, why would the HA let your p stay in a family home ' 2/3 bed house while you move out and try to house your children

Please ask yhe HA for help

It sounds like you are the only one who will have a child living with you full time, if you do go 50/50 on shared DC. Therefore your "need" is greater. Its ultimately about housing the DC, not the adults. First step would be contacting your landlord to see if you could both be rehoused separately. If they can't offer a solution then yes, go to Court. Don't let him push you out because of guilt or by other methods.

Thanks everyone for the replies. @DancingLions I was also under the impression that housing the dc would be the top priority, unfortunately he is obsessed with getting what he deems as fair for him, and has already said he will not be moving out and 'giving me everything'.

Given his attitude I can see why you're breaking up! It seems less about the DC in his mind and more about "winning".

As I said, you're the one who will have a DC full time so don't back down and definitely don't leave. You're right that at the moment you would be classed more as the main carer so you don't want him to be able to claim that. It must be really hard for you right now as he sounds very unpleasant to be living with. He will probably try and grind you down to try and get you to leave.

I know you said there is no DV but if he does start being mentally abusive, that is still abuse and you don't have to just put up with it.