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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

She has my Son hook line and Sinker

4 replies

simlock · 11/04/2026 17:57

Looking for some advice, this is perhaps one side of the story or what i have been told from my Daughter who speaks to my son, i aslo speak to him but he hasn't really said much unless he's had a row with this on and off girlfriend of about 2 years.
I'm just not sure what to make of it anymore, it's madness.

MY Son first met her from a old frind he had, my Son told me a bit about her, and her ex, her ex used to abuse her broken bones scares on her head all their kids taken away, panic button in case he turned up. so anyway my Son has fallen for her hook line and sinker, he just can't let her go no matter what happens. He's split up with her a few times for months and still goes back to her, it seems she just uses him, he had a row and come back to my house, he as saying she wants a man who will pay for everything fix everythig, her car, basicly wait on her hand foot anf finger, he said that when he wakes up he has to hope she in a good mood, or it will ruin his day, i can gather that it's all her way or the highway, she has him dacing to her tune, it seems, i just heard that he has no money at all as her Daughter has moved into her flat and she doens't want any ment there the same time she is, so he's been paying them to stay in accomadation to be with her, now the money has ran out she's gone back to her flat and he's back home with me on his asx again.

I told him when i first out about her and told him you can't fix that broken, she too broken, she damaged beyond repair and said she will affect your mental health too and then you will need repairing too. The situtation is insane, he has lost all his self respect and pride, she got him, and i don't how to set him free, i know it has to be himself. But i just don;t think he ever will, it's not like she's a super model, she's the opposite, but love is love, his mum wasn't the best but i loved her too. maybe he's following after me, leanred bahviour.

He's never got any money and she comes before all his bills, i just don';t what to do.
Thanks

OP posts:
apeaceful2026 · 11/04/2026 18:00

Sorry you're going through this. I think all you can do is be there for him and hope he figures it out for himself eventually and don't say told you so, or anything like that.

Endofyear · 11/04/2026 18:46

All you can do is be there for him. Be cautious about criticising her as you may drive a wedge between you and send him running back to her. Encourage him to see his mates and have a life of his own. Maybe ask him to join you for walks or park run or fishing so that you can spend some time together and give him time to open up and talk while you're both engaged in an activity. Unfortunately, he's an adult and needs to come to the realisation that he's being used by his girlfriend himself.

NorthernJim · 11/04/2026 20:00

There's nothing you can do, he has to figure it for himself. Except - don't let him come back to you when she chucks him out. It won't be easy, but that's literally the only part of this you can control. Hopefully that'll be the catalyst to make him see some sense.

Fluffyholeysocks · 11/04/2026 20:09

I agree with PP, he has to figure this out for himself. Keep lines of communication open, makes sure he is welcome in your house so he is reminded of what normal life is like. Talk about other people he knows who are in healthy relationships, going on holidays, buying houses, getting new jobs. Talk about his friends and their relationships, encourage him to meet to with friends. Don't encourage or criticise his relationship with this woman, remain neutral, don't lend him money but be there for him when it ends, as it will.

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