I’m feeling very uncared for by DH while I’m ill and I don’t know what to do about it or whether I’m reasonable to feel resentful.
We’ve been growing apart because of the baby and an older child who has complex SEN - it’s made it hard to spend time together. DH also has a long commute and intensive job so he is often tired, while I’m also tired from cosleeping and night feeds.
I had a 24h stomach bug, am now on day 3 and am still quite weak. When I was ill DH wasn’t that attentive, hardly checked in on me (in person or by phone). He was functionally helpful with helping me getting things washed and when he happened to be there he asked if I needed anything, but his whole tone was not very sympathetic. I get that he was busy looking after both kids in the evening and I asked very little of him and looked after myself.
I then had to deal with the worst of the stomach bug while also cosleeping with my baby who feeds to sleep and wakes up multiple times to scream for extended periods during the night. Baby won’t be comforted by DH so I don’t ask him to help, plus DH usually has to drive to work and it’s better if he’s fresher rather than also exhausted. I was completely shattered by the morning but much recovered. He agreed to take the next two days off to look after the kids, but he was complaining about missing work and I felt guilty for asking. And his terse mood with me didn’t improve. I told
him a couple of things he I wasn’t happy about (disappearing for an hour to do gardening leaving me not knowing where he was and with both kids getting dysregulated) and he agreed but didn’t apologise for it.
This is also coming off the back of a week off work for him so he should be recovered from that stress. But looking after both kids himself is a different kind of stress.
DH is one of the better ones. But this last year with the new baby we have been tired and tense with each other. So I don’t know how to ask him can’t you be a bit nicer to me when I’m ill and I need a bit of the old sweet DH back. He used to apologise when he’d been a bit wrong, which always helps me get past it, but he doesn’t now so I continue to feel resentful. Do I just accept this is how things are now.