Am I being gaslit? I know this is an overused phrase sometimes but I'll give some context. Been with DP 10 years and we have an almost 3 year old DS. Since I've had my son things haven't been good between us. In the first months after having DS and being hormonal and anxious, he didn't have sympathy and kept telling me he thinks I'm bipolar. I struggled postpartum with the massive life change and I was snappy, over tired and all the rest of it. But the support just wasn't there. We split when DS was 9 months old and I moved out a few months later.
He then said he'd seen the error in his ways and he should have supported me more etc, and I ended up coming back home. Things were better for a few months and then I started getting chronic migraines and really struggling to deal with that while having a toddler in the mix. I started having dizzy spells along with the migraines (now diagnosed as vestibular migraines) and he became fed up with me straight away. I've always had a level of health anxiety but this was a genuine issue and he kept telling me 'I have sympathy when there's genuinely something wrong with you but I never know when to believe you'. When I eventually saw a specialist and got diagnosed he became a bit more sympathetic but still didn't care that much and got annoyed it I got dizzy while out shopping etc. He then started making comments that 'he didn't sign up to be a carer' even though I work full time and manage everything just fine, I just wanted to talk about it now and then when I was struggling but didn't get the support. I think I've become resentful over the last year with the lack of support from him. I'd ask him to bath DS if I was feeling unwell and he'd sigh and either he didn't want to, or reluctantly do it. We tried having date nights without DS and I found we struggled with conversation and things felt awkward. We started disagreeing a lot around DS as he has been referred for an autism assessment and can't communicate yet and he thinks it's fine to shout at him when he was swimming and jumping on the sofa and that's just not the way I want us to parent. As soon as I have an opinion on something or speak up I'm 'starting arguments' when I try to have a conversation about something.
It's very much his way or nothing and if I even want to discuss anything to do with our son I'm 'undermining him'. So we got to the point last week where we've decided to separate because we just don't agree on anything anymore, and the lack of support from him made me crack. He's already arguing with me about custody arrangements and won't try to compromise. He's telling me I'm 'insane' and he has no idea how he's been with me this long. He's making out that all our issues stem from my anxiety, and he's making me question myself. But then I think to myself 'well no, I've just raised things I've wanted to discuss when they've come up and I've been shut down or told to F off. I am so drained from feeling like I've caused this, even when my family and friends can see I'm always exhausted and have been for some time. He's turning everything I say to him, back at me and making me feel like im a massive issue when I feel like all I've wanted is support and to feel cared for. He didn't go near me physically for weeks, despite me saying to him we're not affectionate with each other anymore. The list goes on really. I don't want to carry this heavy feeling that I've broken our family apart, but I also don't want DS to grow up thinking when Dad tells mam to not have an opinion she keeps her mouth shut. It's exhausting.